Yes, and it was something we haven't talked about in years, and bothered him to his core.
D18 was a D3 when H and I got married. I was very young, and only married to her BioDad for a short time. She saw her Dad regularly until she was a D15, and it was mostly miserable for her, incredibly expensive for us (trying to change her visitation/custody agreements a LOT), and a major frustration. H was and is her Dad. They are very tight, and still continue to have a great relationship, even though she is now moved out and going to college. H always felt helpless in the situation, like he couldn't fix any of the crap her BioDad slung at her. Trust me, he TRIED. He/We had our hands legally tied. He tried to handle things w/her BioDad directly, through me, w/the attorneys, etc... And, worse yet, he felt that if I died, she could be taken away by BioDad anytime.
At one point he/we was incredibly frustrated w/the situation after her BioDad had received a DUI (with her in the car!), and I had been to court to get some kind of restraining order/order of protection during visitation - or at the least, supervised visitation, and came home a wreck. The judge not only ignored all of the evidence, and my request, but gave her BioDad an extra night a week overnight in visitation. (We later read that the judge had been pulled from his position and prosecuted for accepting bribes! Sh*t! Had I known he'd accept a bribe, I would have paid the sucker off!)
H was pissed. I mean really pissed. He wanted to move our family to a warmer climate, FAR away. We looked in the Las Vegas suburbs and in Wilmington/Wrightsville Beach, NC-area. I liked them both, but didn't love them enough to move. I have grown up in this town, am an only child, AND, at this time, my Dad had just had to have a quadruple bypass. I couldn't do it. I couldn't move away from my family.
H never said much about it... but did make follow-up comments (especially around the time when it got cold, or we had follow-up issues).
WITH THAT SAID...
Today, H sits across from me at the table in our pub. I'm looking at the newspaper, and catalogs for xmas gift ideas. He looks at a section of the paper. There's an article on a 92-year old man who grew up in our town.
H: "Did you read this article?" MF: "No, I haven't gotten to that section yet." H: "This man has lived here for all 92 of his years. Can you imagine? Living here your ENTIRE life?: MF: "No, I can't." H: "You can, because you have." MF: "No, I lived away at school for four years." H: "You COULD have moved away, but you didn't want D18 to not be able to see her BioDad anymore. You SAID you wanted to stay because of the move away from your family, but it's really what you DIDN'T say." H: "Maybe I'm mistaken?". MF: Silence. H: "Huh? Do ya think?". I replied, "Yep."
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
