I've had a pretty decent weekend but found myself drawn towards contact. We had a conversation via email the other day. I think the logic in my head is that the NC is good until I can be stronger, which I am, but it would not be as necessary once I was far away. As soon as I move, it would be fine. In fact, it would be better because a short, brief conversation might remind her of what she was missing. Problem is, you find yourself getting your hopes up again, or at least getting frustrated at the lack of any progress or effort. In my case, this led to me being angry, which was compounded by something minor she did that reminded me of one of her worst qualities. And no, it's not being a coward, although admittedly that's a second bad flaw, at least with regards to this. So basically I go back to the basics. Keeping contact limited indefinitely, and only responding to those messages which relate to business. As for the friend, she's been an emotional backup for a while. Although I wouldn't call her that. She's been more like one of the important support structures right now, along with a couple of friends I have and my parents. She is a confidant and close friend who knows the entire story. She was the one who kept me from killing the two of them on D-Day. She is the one who continues to want to see us get back together. I truly believe she would tell W about us if it would help get us back together, even though she knows and likes W. That is what is ironic. She loves me enough to want to see me with the person I love the most. I cannot imagine what that must be like for her. But I do know that in the interim, talking on the phone is a pleasant experience for both of us.
