libby, Just go w/the flow. No expectations and whatever you do, do not question or point out his new behavior to him. It sounds to me like he's trying to figure out where he belongs in your life right now. He wants to make sure that you are still there waiting on him while he's flying around in OZ. He reminds me of a toddler that wants so desperately walk and run w/o mom's help, but yet, needs to know you are still there.
I really to think you've got a good handle on your situation. Sit back, observe from afar and allow him to come to you. The more he does, the more opportunities you will have to listen to what is on his mind. He feels safe w/you and your family. That's what is very important right now...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
libbyasking, you are doing sooo good and have sought some good information and advice! I wish I had done it that way from the beginning, and I wish I had found this website and book a lot sooner! I really believe if I had, I wouldn't be D right now. So, good for you and keep it up!
I went nuts about the OW and so regret it. If you can keep the attitude that the OW is merely a symptom of MLC not anything else, you will do great! Do not make her important or an issue at all, ignore anything to do with her and don't even acknowledge that she exists! I know if I had done that OW would be long gone by now, I gave her power and she took it, along with my husband, my life and even some of my furniture!!
I would flirt right back with him, but keep it light and airy. Have fun with it, he fell in love with you once, be the person he fell in love with.
Mine did all the things yours did, said he didn't love me like he did before, had been miserable for 5 yrs. prior to the A, rewrote all our history, mine always was a drinker, but it got way, way worse and still is bad, he is miserable, distant from the kids, etc. I pray and pray for him and now I am just sitting back and waiting while moving forward as best I can. Christmas is going to be rough, we have never had a Christmas apart in 21 years, he has never missed waking up Christmas morning with his kids, we have always had great traditions and always had a blast drinking wine together and wrapping "Santa" presents on X-mas eve. The last two years the wrapping and wine drinking haven't really happened, but he has been there, this year unless there is a miracle or a huge revelation on his part, he will not be here with us, I am not holding my breath.
Keep doing so great!! You are on the right path!
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
Thanks for your advice. It's good to hear what others think about this behaviour and I wasn't sure how to play it.
I also got it wrong initially by slating the OW and giving her power. Fortunately for me I like to read lots about what I am dealing with and hence found this forum and other very helpful advice from things I have read. I believe that the knowledge I have has givien me huge insight and understanding of where he is.
Now I never mention OW or ask any questions, though it's hard because I am nosy by nature!
He isn't coming to see the kids this week as he is working away. His birthday is on the 5th Dec which he plans to spend away from us. The next time we see him will be when we all meet for the meal on 11th Dec. I am thinking of buying a new outfit for the occasion.
Augtan
Christmas is going to be very difficult all round. Like you my H was always very proactive at Christmas, filling the stockings and putting out the presents and putting up the decorations and house lights. Last year we even went christmas shopping together and I thought we had a lovely time but since he has informed he didn't! He is coming christmas day to be with the kids, but not for lunch. When I think of the season without him it makes me sad.
