Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

H does not speak to me on the phone. Contact is by email or text and we do not see each other in person. This is why I am so confused! He can't FACE ME. He has been pretty aggressive and angry towards me for months. I think it is his guilt but it strongly feels like rejection.

When I emailed him that I found out, he asked for a 2 hr counseling session with the counselor instead of talking to me alone. But he didn't admit to affair and said he'd talk about it in counseling.

H sees the kids every other weekend for a few hours and on every Monday for a couple hours. He seems detached from them too. I did try before I found out about the A to be friendly and happy around him when he would come to get the kids. Or I would make sure I had a nice meal for him when he came on Mondays. No effect at all. Now I avoid him completely.

I feel I've been screwing up since I dropped off the DB site and think I've been pursing. Ugh. I wrote him an email that said I still care for him and him showing his anger towards me won't change that. Moment of weakness. I really feel like I'm spinning in confusion in how to act. NC hasn't seemed to work in my sitch. I do not want to be a doormat and I'm afraid I'm coming of that way to him. OW is a manipulative person.

Changes I've made: Made a lot of new friends, going out a lot, took a road trip with my new girlfriends, lightened my hair, lost 20 lbs, changing my clothes (old ones don't fit anymore, anyways), praying a whole lot (who doesn't in our sitches?), and learned to deal with anger. These changes have been for me since I need to distract myself and get happy and get a life! He doesn't seem to notice a thing!