Doc, Tbanks, I knew someone from the Piecing forum would understand my stance. I think the "devil" himself sometimes posts on my thread (someone who creates doubt, and wants me to give-up prematurely, or act in my own self-interest).
I have so much work to do on myself, that will only benefit myself and the marriage. Why would I leave now? I see stirrings of healing, effort, and self-improvement in my W. Why would I leave now?
This past year has been a time of growth for me, with being more independent socially in the dance community, finding a church that is helping me move closer to God (love), and enjoying the companionship of a dog. As my thread title suggests, the soil is fertile for my personal life to grow wonderful things. Leaving the M now, as Tmite suggests would be like preparing the soil for a garden, planting seeds, and then abandoning it, because past gardens have failed, due to mistakes and poor preparation.
Marriage isn't a stock holding that I'm trying to decide when to sell to cut my losses. My W isn't an employee whose performance I review, and decide whether or not to renew her contract. Marriage provides an opportunity to learn to love another imperfect human being on an intimate level. After sixteen years of marrige, I'm just beginning to understand and develop the skills involved.
I want to stick around to enjoy the fruits of my labor, even if every plant doesn't bear fruit or is harvested, and am willing to take the risk that another season may end without anything to harvest.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
