Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

Thanks to everybody for theirvkind wods.

I know grief hits people in different ways but at the moment I feel fine. I think come the funeral things will change. However I also feel that situation with W has maybe educated me to find strength and courage in this rather than crumpling. I really don't know. We dont know when funeral will be as its the weekend and organise anything until Monday.

At the moment I am concentrating on keeping me sane and helping family. However I start the 300 mile drive home today.

As this is a DB forum, I better talk about WAW.

I have decided not to tell her or her family for a few reasons:

1. Since the split none of her family have contacted me at all about anything.

2. W hasn't contacted me this weekend to say anything about my mum.

3. I have 99.9% detached from W and Id atger she didnt actually know.

4. Self preservation. If I did let her know through IM then her reaction may upset me so why put myself thrugh it.

W made clear that she wasnt interested in my mum in her email (who talks about a dying family member, xmas presents and xmas things out of the loft in the same email).

I have thought I am maybe punishing w with this and to be honest, I dont have an answer. I dont think I am, just trying to protect me and family. Its not so much NC anymore, more like I dont want you in my life snymore as you are no good for me. My mum was a stubborn so and so and was very much against me 'taking back' W. It wouldnt actually surprise me if she did this deliberately to make me see that Thats the kind of thing sh'd do, and where I get it from

What is concerning me is my reaction. I spoke to IC about this at our lsst meeting as I was worried that my feelings aout my mum and everything else would just explode one day. I hope not but it does worry me.