WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[MHL]

I'm back and in one piece, and no I did not run out of the house screaming like an idiot. I think I need a break from everything for a couple of hours, serious downtime. Last night I think I was tired from the night before, 2am talking to Dad and his W about the sitch.
Last night the kids were excited and rightly so it was in effect, Christmas for them. I was just overwhelmed and my mind homed in on my wife and how carefree her life has been since she has been out of the house. While I know she is in pain at times, she has been "doping up" with OM and it is like an anesthesia for her pain or loneliness. This I know but still it makes me angry when I think about how unappreciated, unacknowledged, disrespected I have been by my W. I know this is what I need to give up to God, which I did with the first A. Now my W's actions and lies to me, D13, S9, her C, my C, God, OM, everyone, and to herself eclipse anything I could ever conceive her capable of. I feel the anger helps me ignore her texts and stay dark but I know it will ultimately gnaw at me and eat me up. Still working on that and doing much better today.

So, did you get the computers, etc. put together or will you have that to face when you go back home? I'm wondering if your W always had to do the jobs that the kids needed done, the house, etc., b/c you got too stressed over that sort of thing. Or.....is it just now?

Actually, I have always been the one to do all of that stuff. My W did the cooking not much else over the last 18 months. My W never really did any of that stuff and relied on me to take care of it. Sometimes I would get stressed and she would calm me down, other times she would get mad that I was stressed. My stress usually manifested itself in being withdrawn which she was very sensitive to and picked up immediately. She would ask "What's wrong?" I would say "nothing" in fear of an argument with her and then bam, same outcome as if I had shared with her what I was feeling. Hindsight being 20/20, we just did not communicate well and let the little crap turn into a big dust up.

I got some of the stuff set up last night and finished up this morning. I did announce last night that I was beat (truth) and needed to go to bed early, amazing what sleep can do.

Talk to your kids after grandparents leave and tell them that it is going to take you & them working together as a team to help each other get through this season. Do they do as you tell them or do you need the "Nanny" to go get your home in control?

They have been wonderful about doing as they are told, especially D13. She has assumed the mother role to my S9 when I am not home which is everday for about 1-2 hours. I hate it b/c I do not want to rob her childhood from her but we are in survival mode and she knows it. When I think about what my D13 is doing, how much she loves her brother (even though they do fight) it brings tears to my eyes.

Update to sitch with wife and hospital is that I am not sure what is going on. I think she is out and is still at SIL out of town or W is back and SIL is with her. SIL texts to call her phone so W can talk to S9. I have not spoke to MIL in 3 days and I am not going to initiate there either b/c I don't want to know anything so I can continue to detatch. I felt good today when I did not respond to a text my W sent me to provoke an argument about cell phones. I realized there was no purpose to the text and remembered from DR not to be dragged into an argument. VICTORY!!!! I have been dark to her at least for 2 weeks and counting, I am trying to extend to her family and friends also. I am waiting and watching to see what she will do next, it is like a game and I just have to play my part until things change.