She seems to be having a great time. No responsibilities, and all the freedom in the world. Boys can take care of themselves, it's basically this: she is acting like a teenager right along with my boys.
Yep. So you deal with her like you would a teenager. "This is my boundary. If you do this, then I will do that."
Quote:
When they back talk her, or don't do what she says, she immediately calls me and demands that I do something. I don't call her back. How does she not see what she is doing isn't healthy? I just don't get this stuff...
Do not bail her out of those situations. Tell your sons what your expectations are regarding their mother. Then you let her handle it. Don't enable her irresponsible behavior. You can say something like "I am not there, Wife, so I cannot properly judge what has happened. But I trust that you can judge the boys' behavior and what should be done about it. You can handle it."
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Yes, I do think that she'll eventually get bored of partying all the time. The more you detach, the less you'll care about what she does. You are in the first car on the emotional roller coaster speeding head on into your fear. Soon, the ride will slow down and you'll be in a better place mentally.
If you do exactly as you're told, you'll come out a better person, with or without her.
I'm sorry, but if my children were being left home alone all night, I wouldn't wait for something "to run out of steam."
I would address it. Immediately.
Puppy
I agree, Pup.
SoldierDad ~ Document! Document! Document! Short of asking your boys what's going on, document what you can glean from what they float your way. This matters. You'll want her to know, at some point, that this won't stand and it will be your proof...and you may need it legally later, too.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I wasn't saying "legally." They are still his children also. He needs to intervene here.
When my wife was having her affair, she was hooking up with her BF during the day, and leaving our two boys (then aged 11 and 14) home along, with nothing to eat in the house sometimes. She would tell them "I'll be home for lunch," and then she'd stay out until 3 or 4 in the afternoon. After this happened the second time, I told her "I can't control what you're doing, but I damned sure aren't going to allow my sons to go without meals. If you're going to be gone more than 3 hours, or if you're going to be gone over a mealtime, I expect you to let me know, so that between me and your parents, we can make arrangements to watch the boys and make sure they're fed."
I'm sorry, but if my children were being left home alone all night, I wouldn't wait for something "to run out of steam."
I would address it. Immediately.
Puppy
I agree, Pup.
SoldierDad ~ Document! Document! Document! Short of asking your boys what's going on, document what you can glean from what they float your way. This matters. You'll want her to know, at some point, that this won't stand and it will be your proof...and you may need it legally later, too.
Greek
Absolutely! I kept a journal of EVERYTHING, esp. the times she wasn't properly caring for the kids.
I dont think that they are old enough to be home alone. But I figured that since they are soldierdads kids, it is his call.
I agree that you need to address this now, it is a perfect opportunity for you to lay down a boundary. And it is a boundary that you can be really committed to.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Ya, I agree, but the hard part is, unless I come right out and ask my boys if she is out, I don't know. I am not there. This would all be a whole lot easier, if I wasn't deployed. I WANT to do these things, I WANT to set my boundaries, but the logistics issue really limits me in that effort.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
