Hey MF, darn 1428 posts... that's a lot for me to read through! And I don't like giving opinions on something unless I'm well-versed in the sitch.
As soon as I do my post, I'll read up. In the meantime I've added this thread onto my watch list. For what it's worth you strike me as an incredibly strong woman with the patience of Job.
God bless you and a speedy recovery.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Rob... I'll answer in detail your questions a bit later. I just showered/hair'd/make-up'd, and, there will be tears as I respond. I need to respond, though, and admit what it is... Maybe that's healing?
Jeff... you are correct. Not sure how, though.
Gno.. I used to be mindblank! (Should all be together in my posts, though)
Last edited by mindfull; 11/27/0908:27 PM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Happy to read you're on the mend, and working on taking care of YOU.
Get the book "He's Just Not That Into You". Read Bobbi Jo's thread here and over in separated. Don't waste the pretty.
I agree w/Jeff, he and I talk in the alt, and we're in agreement regarding something going/went on between your H and someone else. If it turns out to be true, come to us, we're here. And I've been through it twice, so I'm an expert.
You are strong, you can handle this. You're a great wife and mother, a woman to be admired.
Leaving soon, BIL's funeral is tomorrow morning. Just the way to round out this holiday weekend .
Sorry I've been absent, but only in posts. Been thinking and praying for you and yours.
Rob... I'll answer in detail your questions a bit later. I just showered/hair'd/make-up'd, and, there will be tears as I respond. I need to respond, though, and admit what it is... Maybe that's healing?
Jeff... you are correct. Not sure how, though.
Gno.. I used to be mindblank! (Should all be together in my posts, though)
Hey lady, you take your time, no one is rushing you here, I may be an ass buster when talking to the guys on this forum but I can easily be sensitive to any women that are hurting due to a walk away husband's thoughtless & insensitive ways, no worries, you reply back when you're ready.
Being honest with yourself is sometimes extremely difficult, we don't want to believe that someone we invested so much love in could hurt us so much but it happens.
And the tears, yup, they happen, even to smart ass punks like myself (although not anymore), you will get over it too in time.
I'll say it a million times on this forum until everyone of you get it registered: Let go of the people in your life that you don't value you or the relationship they have with you. You have no value to them if they know you will always be there waiting for them, the wake up call for them is when they assume you are there and you aren't. That is when your value goes up, that is when the tables turn and that's when things change and even if you leave and your spouse doesn't care, you have your answer either way.
Take care of yourself and take your time responding back, I know when I'm talking to someone who is hurting and hey you're allowed to hurt & cry & express that emotion. It's because you love someone who isn't returning that precious energy back to you: you're human and you have a heart, everyone should be lucky to claim the same.
OK, I'm doing this w/out too many tears. I'm ready. (I think this means I'm ready to start some movement for my own sanity, as well.)
Also on the physical side, when is the last time you guys got jiggy with it?
I got "the bomb" in 12/07. We had had a diminishing sex life for a few years. I was the ultimate Mom, caught up in the kids... It got to the point where, for a year prior, I was the only that initiated (he enjoyed it though, as did I...). "The Bomb" was... I can't give you everything you want anymore (10,000 sq ft home, new cars, nice wardrobe, Caribbean vacations, etc...). I never thought much of it, since he always somehow made things happen. He tried very hard to give me/us everything possible. He couldn't tell me no. Also, we had had some major stresses w/D18 at the time, and she was being the ultimate teenage pain (lots of emotional turmoil in the home). AND, to make matters worse, he had a bomb dropped on him... We were being pursued by the IRS to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars (we are/were small business owners, and I think he put off paying taxes to provide stuff for us.) The IRS situation was ugly, and could have turned criminal.
We have not ML since.
And if it has been a long drought, does he have health issues that prevent him from wanting to be with you?
Not that I know of...
Sounds like he travels alot, is it possible that he's seeing someone else and you don't know it?
He travels for work a lot. He owns a trucking company, and he handles many employed drivers, loads, owner operators, etc... He is gone from Monday afternoon, through Friday evening, with one or two stops home during the week for time w/the family (usually tries to schedule around boys games). He quite possibly be seeing someone else. His schedule is so crazy, I haven't attempted to figure out where he is and when (always has been, nothing new).
I have snooped (on his computer). Nothing. He is very, very LOW tech. I'd catch him if he was logged on somewhere. I don't have access to our cell phone records, since they're paid by his company, and those are paid electronically... never see a bill. I have logon's to the cc's that pay them, but no statements.
There were a few instances of question directly following the bomb, but nothing that wasn't explainable, and I've followed up on the info.
The only thing that bothers me in relation to the possibility of another person is his clingon to his cell phone. But, I will tell you that he's been like that (to some degree) since we married (drivers calling at all hours, txting w/destinations, etc...). It does not leave his person, though.
More to come...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
YES, I GIVE HIM TOO MUCH ATTENTION... (And, that's a changin'! TODAY!)
He honestly takes for granted that you'll always be there, never mind giving him space, give yourself some space, take care of yourself, he obviously knows how to push your buttons.
I'm handling this.
Today, H tells me he has to go pick up a truck that his driver crashed, and deliver it somewhere. Taking our family friend/handyman w/to drive him to it, and back.
(We were planning on taking the boys to dinner and the varsity boys basketball game - an hour away.) He asks if we will still go. Initially, I said no, as it was a pain to drive way out to this place, etc... Then, when he came back in the room I told him we were leaving late this afternoon, and we're not only going to the game, but this awesome steak house in the town. Cute little town, great restaurant, boys get to go to their game. Works for me!
And, tomorrow am, he'll take the boys bowling w/my family. I'm going to get up and go out shopping while they're gone, and not tell anyone! (Rebellious, EH? LOL)
When is the last time you guys spoke about your relationship and it's current status?
Probably March. I had a melt down after an event we attended.
ILYBINILWY is often code for "I found someone new & exciting and you've lost your lustre in my point of view".
Could be in this case, as well. Could be he was just pushed too much, based on what he's told me.
Rob, I honestly did everything wrong for the first YEAR after the bomb. You'd slap me if I gave you the list. I could slap myself.
Since I've been db'ing, it's been... peaceful. I'm "going along" with the program. Some wise DB'ers kept telling me to wait it out.
I'm done waitin'. After these holidays, it's getting sorted out. F*ck it.
And, PS - I'm cute. I'm fun. I'm smart as hell. AND, successful in my career. I could get a freakin' boyfriend. Easy. It would be nice if it were my H.
Last edited by mindfull; 11/28/0908:36 PM. Reason: EGO
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
And, PS - I'm cute. I'm fun. I'm smart as hell. AND, successful in my career. I could get a freakin' boyfriend. Easy. It would be nice if it were my H.
There you go, girl!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
.