I keep reflecting on the experience I had yesterday afternoon while picking up my kids, taking custody of them from xW. They were all over at her mother's place, so I had to pick the boys up there --this was because xW and the ex-MIL were starting their annual Christmas cookie baking. This has been their tradition for quite a number of years now, making trainloads of various cookie recipes to send to friends and family -- except, since the bomb I have been left out in the cold. But that's to be expected, or rather, something I have come to expect given the sour nature in which xW has decided to view me.

So when I knocked on the door to get my kids, I was prepared to be assailed with the smell of baking cookies and to see the various card tables set out with racks and racks of their product. What I didn't expect was to see the OM right there among them. He was acting in a servile manner, helping to watch my kids and to lend a hand to xW and the ex-MIL is an obsequious fashion. So effiing "whipped", he is!

xW opened the door and called to my S's to get their shoes on and to gather their things to go with me. And then, in passing and in a weak, muttering voice, xW added to me, "Oh, and NCB, this is OM. OM this is NCB." And it dawned on me that she was finally, after nearly twelve years, introducing me to this person she has been dealing with at work and now sleeping with. My immediate thought was why now?

OM looked very sheepish, said a weak "hi" and then tried to stay out of view of the doorway (freakin' coward!), as I was not entering the abode under these circumstances.

I tried to act calm and nonchalant, but I quickly loaded my car with our S's belongings on a couple of trips and then hurried my two out the door. xW followed us outside, to see us off, and I just could not make eye contact with her. After all this time trying to get to the point that I am indifferent to her, I was reeling with the thought that I had been totally replaced in my own family, seeing this OP there with them all, getting ready for the holidays. I felt again the pain of betrayal and being relegated to obscurity, like the fledgling who's been kicked out of his own nest by the cuckoo. At the same time I felt this intense disgust for this person who had supposedly at one time been my W, and contempt for this worm of a person she has chosen over me.

I can't seem to fathom what the H' has happened to cause this to happen to me, to us, to my family. Since then I keep periodically remembering yesterday and that recalling of these emotions that I had hoped were behind me. It doesn't help that I had just gone through a major holiday all alone because of this very situation -- which I thought I'd be able to tolerate, that is, until I run into scenes like this.

Side note: Some people grow impatient with betrayed spouses, not understanding the aversion these LBS's have with the OP. Yes, it is the wayward spouse who shoulders much of the real blame in these situations -- that is certainly true. But in no way does that absolve the OP of their own contribution to the crime that has been committed. Until one has actually experienced for themselves being on the receiving end of the sin of infidelity, they just won't truly understand the depth of that pain of betrayal we feel. Those who downplay or even belittle the sentiments of the betrayed just don't have a clue, not one stinkin' clue.

Lest anyone worry, I have had a great time with my S's this weekend again so far since then -- I just wish I could get that scene out of my head now! Uuugggh!


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.