Do you have the Led Zep DVD set? It makes Spinal Tap even funnier.
Go to YouTube and look up Dread Zeppelin. They are a reggae band playing Zep covers with a Elvis impersonator (Tortelvis) as the lead singer.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I have Mothership (which is the 2 disc Zep greatest hits) burned into my iTunes. And, ha, I know of Dread Zeppelin. I think I saw them in college, but things were a bit hazier back then.
Been following thinker's sitch, and it has me thinking.
Pretty good evening. With some help from a friend, I began to see one of my W's main LL's is quality time. So, I made a point tonight to hang around with her and the kids watching some DVD's the kids picked out. Mainly, we just talked, but it was friendly. W seemed to appreciate it. And, it was nice.
I am going to begin reaching out very slowly to my W. Not pursuit, but just gently easing my way back into the role of her H. If I'm already dead, what do I have to lose if I handle this properly?
And the strange thing is that I have a confidence about myself that I haven't felt before. A confidence that allows me to open myself up to my W again, and be ok if she pushes back.
She looked as beautiful today as I can ever recall. Nothing special she did. She just looked great. And her appearance was nice too.
I love "the Ocean" and "Fool in the Rain." Do you have the Led Zep DVD set? It makes Spinal Tap even funnier. Go to YouTube and look up Dread Zeppelin. They are a reggae band playing Zep covers with a Elvis impersonator (Tortelvis) as the lead singer.
I guess I'm a real purist (or picky). I think they went downhill after III. Also, there's an all-woman Led Zeppelin tribute band called Lez Zeppelin. Don't know if they're on you tube, though.
Hey, coach. I'm curious: who are some your favorite drummers?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Pretty good evening. With some help from a friend, I began to see one of my W's main LL's is quality time.
Question for you. My local Borders didn't have the original LL book in stock, just some of its later titles as the author turns into a franchise, so I settled on The 5LL Men's Edition. Granted, I've only skimmed so far, but even with skimming (and what I've read on this forum), I don't get it! Do you determine someone's LL by observing and noticing what kinds of LL's they have responded to most favorably in the past? Or do you determine your Spouses LLs by seeing how she expresses them to you assuming that people might tend to show love the way they'd like to be shown love?
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
So, I made a point tonight to hang around with her and the kids watching some DVD's the kids picked out. Mainly, we just talked, but it was friendly. W seemed to appreciate it. And, it was nice.
I am going to begin reaching out very slowly to my W. Not pursuit, but just gently easing my way back into the role of her H. If I'm already dead, what do I have to lose if I handle this properly?
Nothing. Reaching out in slow, gentle ways sound like an aspect of - or variation of - "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." And you wouldn't be living up to your Gima handle if, having thought of this, you didn't do it.
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
And the strange thing is that I have a confidence about myself that I haven't felt before. A confidence that allows me to open myself up to my W again, and be ok if she pushes back.
That's great. That sounds to me like detachment with inner strength.
Too bad Energizer Bunny claimed that handle. You should be called ebgima, because you just keep going and going.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Short update from the Thanksgiving weekend. All in all, was pretty nice. W is very friendly and chatty (but she has been for several months).
We decorated the house with Christmas trimmings. D6 is already excited. So cute.
W should have time this week to interview MC's from my "short list.". I do not want to let this sit very long. I NEED movement in our R.
W is friendly and talkative. I don't attribute that to improvement in our M - I was naïve enough to fall for that once before. If I had to guess (yes, I know its mindreading) I suspect its just part of W wanting to be friends.
Enjoyed the holiday but, at times, really felt the difficulties in our M. I made a point to spend a good bit of time with W the last few days since I think one of her primary LL's is quality time.
Finished reading "Learned Optimism." One of the best books I have EVER read. Thanks again Coach for suggesting it.
This morning, W seemed very withdrawn. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt - she has never been a morning person, and it was the first day back from sleeping late over the holiday weekend. Went to work, and when I got home, nice, chatty W was back.
Had a great evening. After putting the kids to bed, she spoke to me constantly. And, her enthusiasm to talk to me seemed different maybe. I just refuse to allow myself to believe her feelings for me are changing.
W and I have selected a MC, and I will contact the MC tomorrow to set up our first appointment.
While I should be excited, I suppose, I am guardedly optimistic. I will pour everything I have into MC so long as W makes an effort. If we BOTH do not try to build a new M, I don't see anyway this is going to work.
I haven't posted much in awhile but have been keeping up with your sitch. I want you to know that I have REALLY appreciated the way you share your masculine perspective, as do the men who correspond with you. That sharing by you men has really helped to keep me from falling prey to the old "us" vs. "them" (war of the sexes) mentality. That is a precious gift to many of us confused women on this blog. Thank you.
Given your high praise of the Seligman book I think I will have no choice but to pick it up.
Something you said awhile back struck a chord with me because my H does the same thing.
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
It still strikes me as odd how happy, nice and gracious my W can be around me while, at the same time, want me out of her life. I mean, I understand the whole compartmentalizing thing, but I just don't know how you pull that off.
It puzzles me no end!....and for what it's worth, Jody the DB coach seemed rather confused by this too. H and I have been friendly and caring for each other for the past 9 months, since the ice began melting between us, but H still insisted on instructing his attorney to enter our final D judgment last week. He did this 2 days after he voluntarily spent 3 hours at the house troubleshooting an unlit security light over my patio doors. He continues to dumbfound me.
I found this text on a website (www.gettinbetter.com/articles.html) posted on another DB blog and it seems to fit my H.You said awhile back that your W grew up in a critical household. Thought you might want to consider the possibility that it might help to explain your W's behavior (described above). Sorry it's a bit long, but hope you find it helpful.....
"Q. Dear Shari, confrontation makes me extremely uncomfortable. Whether I need to ask for something at work or express myself in relationships, I avoid it any way I can. This difficulty has caused me to leave jobs (prematurely) or distance myself from valued friendships. I don't understand why this is so hard for me, but it's always been this way. I've considered assertiveness training, but I'm a little nervous about what's involved in that, and I'm not sure it'll even be helpful. I tend to keep my feelings bottled up, but I occasionally explode when something or someone pisses me off--and often, my reactions seem more intense than what the situation calls for. This makes me feel terrible (and guilty) afterward, as I hate hurting other people's feelings. I also worry that I'll be seen as some kind of 'monster' rather than the nice guy I basically am. Can you help with this, or point me in the right direction?
A. Confrontation is difficult for everyone, unless you've gained some tools (and insights) that help you relate to this issue differently. You eventually "explode," because significant feelings have been swept under the rug, the emotional cost to you is cumulative, and (at some point) you just can't ignore the tension this has built in you anymore! Think of it this way; if a volcano doesn't let off a little steam now and then, it's ultimately going to erupt with destructive force. Major earthquakes are another example of cumulative pressure. As a little boy you were likely made to feel that your feelings didn't matter, and it wasn't safe (emotionally/physically) for you to express yourself or try to get your needs met. It appears you harshly judge your anger, but I think it's appropriate, given this kind of early conditioning. Suppression, or "the conscious intentional exclusion from consciousness of a thought or feeling" (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) results in depression, anxiety/panic issues, passive-aggressive behavior and/or addictions; all of which undermine you and your relationships! My experience in helping people overcome these obstacles is extensive. Assertiveness training can be helpful, but the roots of this problem go considerably deeper, as they're connected to unresolved rage and entitlement issues (not feeling deserving/worthy)."
