I feel like I am really detatching. I don't want to talk to my W unless I have to. I moved into our old house this weekend, this is my last few days in our new "dream home", but I am not overly upset about it. I made the old house into a pretty nice bachelor pad. I'm looking forward to living there, even though it will be a little rough for a while getting settled.
I've had a couple of people ask me out and I have declined so far; I'm begining to think about it though. My wife doesn't show any signs of changing her mind and with my emotional state more stable and my new future taking shape, I wonder if I should go out with someone. I certainly don't want a relationship, but I wouldn't mind some time with someone that doesn't involve a bar. I miss having a nice dinner and adult conversation.
I still want my marriage to work, but I question my resolve more and more. My W has some issues she needs to work on. She really needs to spend time, like I have, finding herself. I am not by any means "fixed" yet, but I am well on my way and she hasn't even started.
We divided our assets without much of a problem at all. I moved big furniture this weekend and am taking a few loads of "Stuff" over each day. When I leave on Wednesday, it will be for good. This will be her house, the other one will be mine.
I'm okay with that.
For those of you have gone through this process, what do you do when you feel yourself detatching? How do you continue to detatch but not lose the desire to fix the marriage. I'm struggling with that. I'd still give anything to have my life back, but given that it is clearly not an option, what is a guy to do?
Anyway, I am feeling better, more confident and less sad each day. Somehow that doesn't make me feel better though. I want to love my wife and I want her to love me. But, I can not keep holding on. It is not healthy for me.
So, next Wed, I will leave and officially start my life without her. I have lots of plans and I have most things figured out. I'm not concerned; but it still is my second choice to making this work.
Someone give me some advice. I think dating is a no-no, but part of me wonders if it would make things more real for her and help her reconsider.
