here we go again

[bluerain]

I have been sep for almost 2 years, he had an affair, I tried for 18 months and he came to visit, slept with me for 8 days, shared my bed and my home, and on the day he was supposed to fly back to his duty station, he told me that the love just wasnt there. So... fine. I realized while he was here that he hasnt changed at all, he hasnt learned anything about himself, or marriage, and I dont really want someone like him around me, let alone as my husband. I am 27 years old, and I am ready to have a healthy relationship, start a family, take part in the "American Dream".

I think that my H did the exact same thing that your H did, and it was a big part of what happened to us.

When you would normally have big issue discussions in your M, how did you handle it? I think that a 180 for you could be to validate what he says, you dont have to agree with him, or admit hes right, you just have to show him that you recognize his feelings. I saw over in newmamas how you described calling him out in front of his family- I think that could be a welcome 180. I remember saying things to my H that Im sure made him feel emasculated, and I do look back on it and Im not proud. Its not about whether he needed to be called out on his lousy behavior, he was my H, and I shouldnt have made him feel that way. I wouldnt want to be talked to that way. Things like that should be handled privately. Maybe the meeting could be a chance for him to just voice what hes feeling- not that you wont get a chance too, eventually, if you arent arguing he'll run out of things to say!

Just some ideas.

You dont have to be upbeat at the meeting, its a pretty serious subject, but you do NEED to be calm and confident.