My H left home about 10 days ago. No note. No reason given. I just came home, saw some of his things missing and that was that. I contacted him two days later to see if he was alive and kicking. He was. Since then, from time to time he has visited the house in my absence to pick up things, do laundry etc.
He finally turned up yesterday at which point I asked if he had moved out. He replied in the negative. I told him that it was not fair to me to leave without telling me of his whereabouts or when he would be back since this was a home and not an extended stay inn. I told him that he did not even display the modicum of civility one would extend to a mere room mate. His basic reply was that as long as I knew he was ok , I didn't need to worry or know anything else.
Well, I let that one pass. I then asked whether he was back to stay as I would not accept my privacy being interrupted by his coming and going in a random manner and I needed peace of mind. Either he is living here or he is not. I pointed out that I could not visit him wherever he was and come and go as I please. This point seeemed lost on him...
I finally asked what he intended to do about our R. I know it is not up to him but my position is you want out, you do it. He said he did not know. He is totally uninterested in me or the M and he has felt this way for a long time. He has tried and given it his all but he has received little in return.
I said that I did not see it that way but that I undertsood how he felt. I agreed with him that things were not working out and added that I felt he had decided he did not want them to work out. I told him he should man up and do what he has to do because I have no intention of doing his dirty work for him. I told him that I understood that he was willing to live in limbo but I would not put my life on hold.
I then added that while he was not attracted to me, it would not be a problem to move on and find someone who is. In fact, it would be a very easy thing to do because I was now done.( I have no intention of breaking my marriage vows but it is true that several men have expressed an interest in me and it would be easy)
I told him that he did not have to tell me where he had been staying because I already knew. He asked for details and I told him that was on a need to know basis and that he didn't need to know.
I then left the house. Half an hour later he sent a text to say that he loved me but was not into me and that would not change. He said he could never hate me and didn't want to hurt me. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I told him I understood how he could feel that way and wished him a blessed life.
Now,he is entitled to his feelings andthat was never the fundamental problem. I just think that there is a kinder road he could have taken. One paved with truth and compassion instead of callousness and disdain. One where he had an honest, open conversation with me. One where he could at least say "I know we are no longer involved but I will be gone for x days". I could live with that even if I hated it.
So, I am through with active DBing. I don't need to become more interesting, more funny, dress sexier, be mysterious. I don't need to be anything for him because I am enough. I will not twist myself like a pretzel to become new improved KARA. I am already damned good Kara. There is a man out there who will want what I have to offer.
I have made worth while changes and those were for me. Now everything is for ME. He is no longer a consideration. I HAVE DONE ALL THAT I CAN. Game over. Over!!!
