Need Help again!!

[Augtan]

Still no real contact with XH since he has been here. I hate it, I hate the way my life is now that he has done this to us. I wrote somethings out today about how much it hurts that he has done all these things to us, for no real reason at all but OW!!

I have so much guilt that I chose a man like this to be the father to my kids!! A man who cannot step up for his family, a man who has no honor, pride or intregerity. How did I end up with a man like this when I came from a very good, close family. I am the first one from both sides of the family to ever be divorced!! How did I believe in a man who can live with doing this to his kids. He watches them suffer, sees their pain, knows their whole life has been turned upside down, and all because he couldn't be man enougth to give up the OW, work on a marriage, give of himself.. at all!! How do people get so selfish as to truly believe that they are soooo much more important than those he brought into this world and his wife he made so many promises and commitments to?

I know he is in MLC, it is a classic case, and I have questioned on here many, many things...but when do you stop questioning and realize that this is who they are now, they have chosen this life for us and themselves and there is nothing I or anyone else can do. All the stats say that the relationship with the OP will not last, but this one seems to be doing fine, despite the fact that she knows he already cheated on him. Where do these extremely needy, pathetic, door-mat women come from, and why would a man want that kind of woman?

I am rambling, venting here instead of to him or anyone else. I am praying non-stop that while he is here he sees his kids in a new light one that shows him how much they need him and OW isn't worth losing them and losing all this time with them, but I am not holding my breath. I know he is avoiding me because he doesn't want me to see him, really see him, like I did the last time he was here. He knows I know him better than any person on this planet and I will be able to see how unhappy he really is, and he doesn't want me to point it out to him again. Which I won't since there is no point, he just doesn't get it at all.
I know that is the whole idea of MLC, I get it in my mind, but my heart won't catch up and stop being broken. I hurt so much for my kids, that is the worst part, how someone can do so many hurtful things to innocent little people!!

A
ME-39
XH-42
M- 17 1/2 T-21
D16, S14, D10
MLC- 10/06, started with OW same time
Bomb #1- 7/07
sep- 9/07
back T-12/07
sep for good-7/08
D final-5/09
bomb #2-9/09 (was with OW since 2/08)