"I have been thinking about...." "I have given thought"
Turn thought into action if you want your current situation to change.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions and oh what a fun road it's been to travel thus far hasn't it?
Stop thinking about doing it, the more thinking you do, the more doubt enters your head and you stop doing it. Thats part of your problem with your wife, you probably hesitate all the time: should I do this, but what if she reacts this way....
Just do it.
Gym, tanning, clothes, dating, get out there.
Don't buy weights, go to a gym, that's part of the process, get out of the home, into a new environment, get used to getting out of the home and doing stuff externally, get out of your comfort zone, grow a little, you can do it.
No excuses, otherwise you'll just be posting on here forever with no change in your situation.
The recent change in my haircut consisted of taking a razor and shaving my head clean!
You too? LOL. For me, I figured it was better than pulling it out a handful at a time.
As for working out and waiting for finances. I call BS on that one my friend. There are plenty of ways to get a decent workout without weights: pushups, situps, pullups, squats, isometrics. No more excuses. Gimme a hundred!
Even though exercising is great to relieve stress there's an added benefit: It improves your posture. It enables you to walk erect and have your head held high. Body language is an important element in living the 4C's.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
You both make valid points Rob and Gnosis... I guess as far as finances for working out - there is the weight free approach you mentioned Gnosis, and you are right. As far as finances for other things though - especially the tattoo, that is legit. I am now going from having a paycheck every week to every other week (now that my wife isn't living here). I am going to have to figure out how to stretch my pay and make sure my bills are paid so I can keep my house. This will be my first paycheck where I am going have to figure things out. I do agree about the exercise - when I was working out last week, after I was done I noticed my walk was different and so was my posture!
I have been cooking up a list the past week or two of how to spend MY money now that it is truly mine - tattoo (half sleeve on my shoulder), new clothes, souping up my truck (exhaust, performance parts, new stereo system to blast some hard metal, etc), new guitar gear, furniture, new TV that I always wanted, improvements to the house, buying CD's and DVD's again, etc, etc... It's time for me to have fun and spend MY hard earned cash within reason without anyone telling me how to do it!
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1867595#Post1867595
it's time for you to start dating and give her a taste of her own medicine, watch things change as soon you put yourself out there, wake her up!
investing in a gym membership is investing yourself, it can't be that expensive to get a monthly membership at the Y or some other place, start looking!
I have come to grips this morning that I am no longer focused on trying to save my marriage. Does this mean I am giving up on it and giving up hope that it will work out? No, it isn't. Here is where my head is. I beleive I have given it to God now. And I am placing my trust in him that he will turn it around with his perfect timing. My marriage is no longer the center of my focus - God is. I know God is doing a new thing in my life, and I'm becoming the stronger man that he is showing me that I can be, a changed godly man. I am sure there will be moments that will come up that will hurt, but I can't worry about it or let it keep me down. If those moments come I can accept it for what it is, then turn it over to God. And I can't give in to worry because then I am not completely trusting God.
I continue to draw closer to God, and I pray that he shows me those areas where I need to change. I am choosing to move forward, and the decision is mine on how I live each day and I choose a better future for myself. We all have that choice! I am choosing not to let this situation destroy me, but to rebuild me! I have learned so much and God has been showing me a lot of things. And guess what I haven't even scratched the surface of what God has to show me. I also pray for my wife, that he watches over her and that his will be done in her life. I pray that in his timing and his will that he will reveal the truth to her and stir her heart. I pray that he gives her guidance and that he saves her from herself, I pray the same for myself as well.
I choose to stand on my marriage, and in church this past Sunday as I was waiting for prayer a thought came to my mind - "My marriage isn't dead, it is merely sleeping!". God will make a way for reconciliation in his perfect timing, I just need to focus on him. I'm letting it go.
I had a revelation this morning. This whole time I thought if I had faith, that faith alone would be enough. But I learned that this wasn't the case. In 1 Corinthians 13, it states (not verbatim) -" if I have faith enough to move a mountian, but have not love, then I am nothing". It also says that "there is faith, hope, and love - but the greatest of these things is love." Why is that do you suppose? This is why - because in the same chapter it says - "love endures all things, hopes in all things, has faith in all things..". In that sentence you see that Love - has hope and has faith. So when you have and are walking in love - the rest falls into place and is already there. That is why love is greater than the other two alone!
Too many times I wasn't walking in love, but I thought faith alone was okay. How wrong was I?!? By learning to love, to love others unconditionaly - especially my wife and myself, then everything can come together! I know I have taken love for granted. Maybe a lot of us have... just some food for thought and to get everyone thinking.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1867595#Post1867595
Great... but GOD isn't going to come down & fix your marriage for you. Believe it or not, he has done his part already. He has invested in you & instilled in you all the tools required to live a great life, with or without your wife.
I read too many times on these forum where people leave it up to GOD. He will not snap his fingers and make your marriage perfect. I also don't think love is for lazy people, it's for people who want it but love themselves enough as it is.
Pray for clarity, ask him to open your eyes.
Look within yourself and improve yourself in every way.
Great... but GOD isn't going to come down & fix your marriage for you. Believe it or not, he has done his part already. He has invested in you & instilled in you all the tools required to live a great life, with or without your wife.
Well said.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I don't know about "Pastor" rob, there's another word that gets thrown around these forums because I can be a bit of a hard ass, what's that word... "prick"
LOL!
I have nothing against being religious & spiritual, in fact, I am both of those things. But I know that GOD won't come down & fix things for us when he has given us the tools to live a great life.
You see with most people, they pray to GOD, they don't get their prayers answered and they get all disillusioned, "I guess GOD doesn't like me, maybe he doesn't exist, maybe I haven't been good enough, I'm too much of a sinner, this is my punishment"
I don't think he works like that.
The gift of life is what he's given you. Self awareness, individual thought, intelligence, the ability to feel compassion, the ability to love, etc.
Use the gift of life and work on your own personal development without any requirement of a prize waiting for you at the finish line.
Seriously if you want something bad enough, you have to put the work & effort into it.
As long as you have a beating heart inside your chest and the will & determination to succeed regardless of what life throws at you, anything is possible.
Never forget it!
Now get off your lazy asses and go do something with yourselves!
Well said.