Yeah, something is not quite right with this lack of desire. If H is not able to have physical intimacy with you, he needs to at least communicate to you some of the reasons why. Otherwise, you will come up with your own conclusions.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I am not going to try again till he goes to the doctor. I am not going to try after that even. We talked about it and he said the knowledge he cant make love, restricts his desire. He also said, there is no contact with OW, that he understands how I feel and that he feels he doesn't know what to do, because he feels paralyzed of fear. I said fear what about and he said, fear of screwing up mostly. We had a good discussion about this. We both felt closer to each other after that. He said he will go back to the C to help him out. He agreed to read Mars Venus and told me he tried to read some of my books in English and doesn't understand anything... He said more than once that his decision to be with me and his feelings about me are not questionable. He is happy with getting this chance. We snuggled and slept together. Today the day was so and so. Mostly because of my thoughts... K
The good news is: you are now working on the heart of the problem. The bad news is: this is a big problem.
I don't know the answer to this one. I would hope that open and frank discussions would help. I don't know how helpful professional counseling is on this subject. I do think that your daughter's reaction to finding her father in your bed is a reason to continue. Let him go see his doctor first. I would hope that he would discuss any "fears" with his doctor. Perhaps an open discussion there will help him. After that, I would say that you two need to explore how to turn him on. I don't believe this is impossible.
It's great he communicated those things to you and that it brought you closer. Now the next step is to see whether he follows through after the Dr. appointment and with IC if he realizes he is paralyzed by fear.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Spent the weekend together. Tuesday he is flying to Cape Town. Comes back on Sunday, has an apt with the doc on Monday.
The weekend was ok. We actually went couch shopping, didnt buy anything, but went and looked around. Sometimes we feel like the old times. Before any of this [censored] happened.
We are taking things slowly between us. That's for sure. But there is a warmth from his side I havent felt for years. And when we talk, he listens. He validates me, he asks questions. When he gets upset, he quickly goes back to restraining himself and explains why he gets upset. All that are different.
Last night we went to some friends and when I sat beside him, he put his arms on my shoulders. When we went to bed I told him the most important and nice thing he did all day was that gesture and he was surprised. I wanted to point out that it's not BIG things that make the difference for me. I think he got the message.
Today I tried a new receipe with beef, beer, plums, honey, onions... It was wonderful. He must have said at least 6 times how great it tasted K
