I never thought I would be here

[2overcome]

Well just got back from vacation this past Wednesday. It was awkward between my wife and I, but the important part was that my daughter had fun. There were a few heated discussions, and I think I lost my cool (didn't blow up but was pretty close - not good) and most of it was about her affairs. After we got back she moved out to her mom's house. I was looking forward to this because I know I need time alone and can't be in the same house with her - plus I need time alone to heal, vent, break-down, and grieve - things I couldn't really do with her here. I've had to bottle it all up, and I think this didn't help me on the vacation. The only thing that sucks is my daughter is living with her and I won't get to see her everyday. I do get to see her every other day and on the weekends. I often work a lot of overtime during the week, so in a way that works out. I may start going in to work earlier though so I can leave at a decent time and have more time to spend with my daughter during the week.

I can say my wife is deep in the WAS fog, and some conversations from this past week has followed to the "rewritten M history" that everyone seems to talk about here. I haven't read DR all the way through yet, but I am utilizing what I have read so far - especially LRT's, going dark, and working on making changes for myself. The more I think about it, the more I think that my marriage and my wife is in God's hands. I have been reading a lot of this book by a christian author - "When Your Past Is Hurting Your Present" - by Sue Augustine. It seems to be written for women, but I have found it to be enlightening with what I have been dealing with. I have found that I have let my past dictate who I am now, and that has not been good for me. We did tell my daughter the news yesterday about mommy and daddy getting a divorce. She seemed a little sad, but I don't think it will fully sink in until after the whole taking turns/visitation thing sets in.

All I can do now is pray that God take care of my wife, and protect her while she is doing what she is doing, and that his will be done concerning her. I am also praying that he will help me to forgive her for what was done, so I can move on in life and to help me forgive myself for my faults that I have been beating myself down with and times I regretted.

Hope everyone is having a good Thanksgiving weekend. I will get to eat turkey tomorrow - I am looking forward to some home cooking. My thanksgiving dinner yesterday consisted of a Hungryman turkey and dressing TV dinner... just not the same!