It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

Last few days all has been fine. I've had bad days and good days.

Tonight D13 calls to talk and after a few minutes says W wants to talk.

W says she has an answer to tax issues (she originally wanted to file with me but I've been playing hell getting my student loans in order so the gov won't take the tax money - recent R issues being what they are, I've fallen behind and am just now trying to reorganize things). She stated that I "wouldn't like" her solution.

Knowing full well she meant D, I said no. I told her flat out that she will have to file and serve me and that I won't participate in the end of the M by just signing the paperwork. It isn't what I want.

She wants the earned income tax credit and needs money pronto so she wants the D over with so she can file alone. Apparently, this is the only way she can be guaranteed the full money. I still said no.

She brought up that I benefited from past taxes and that I at one point agreed to do whatever she wanted. That was earlier and I've since changed my mind.

Her response was to say since I have no legal right to the girls (I'm not the biological father) that she will completely withhold them from me forever. That if I won't sign the D papers in time for her to file taxes (she's getting an H&R block loan in Dec) I'm not acting like a father and shouldn't have any right to them.

I still said no. I wasn't going to be bullied into it. She started getting heated and I eventually hung up on her.

D13 calls back crying for 2 seconds, says "I'll miss you." and hangs up.

W calls back, still ranting and when I couldn't get a word in I hung up again.

She calls back again and my mother answers and has to hang up when W won't quit ranting.

I'm not sure whether she'll really withhold DDs from me, but she's not the same person I married. I realize her situation and I sympathize, but This is kind of twisted.

I sent this email to hopefully diffuse her panic:

I'm sorry that you're upset.

Please realize that I've changed my mind due to a lot of thinking and a lot of advice from others who have gone through similar situations.

Also, divorce in colorado takes a LOT longer to complete than in wyoming. There would not be time anyway.

A potential compromise may be a legal separation. I may consider that, but after your threats I feel that you are not very trustworthy. I know that I agreed to one thing earlier, but was in a completely screwed up state of mind at that time and had illusions that things might be worked out by now. I was also in a great deal of pain and didn't know anything about the situation other than how hurt I felt. I can see that in your mind I'm only out to hurt you and that I'm being selfish.

Think about the separation. I'm not sure how long that takes to go through the legal system. It may not be quick enough. I will work harder to contact the loan companies to ensure that taxes won't be withheld. If I can do that, I will go down on the 3rd to file the taxes.

I am also sorry that I hung up on you. I didn't do it out of anger. I didn't want a long argument and didn't feel like I deserved to be threatened and abused. It wasn't going to get anywhere, so I chose to remove myself from the conversation. If you felt I did it to be cruel, then I apologize.


Any advice or comments at this late hour would be appreciated. Thanks...