WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[MHL]

Having a hard time right now, my Dad and Wife loaded the kids up on tech stuff for an early Christmas and we are all back at home and the kids are driving me nuts with the demands of me to help them set up computers, ipods, playstations.(No my kids are not spoiled) I think the grandparents are trying to compensate for the difficult time everyone is going through. While they are happy the demands on me are ten fold and my W was the one that balanced my anxiety over this stuff. It is my issue and probably something that my W grew tired of over time and added to the downfall of the M. I find myself missing her right now she was the balance for me. I feel like I just want to run out of the house and not stop running. I haven't felt like this in a while and it reaching a critical mass for me. I want to call her but am not no matter what. She is the one that ran not only from me but the stress of the kids, money, bills, soccer, etc. I am hating her and missing her at the same time. It is not fair while I have been home taking care of the kids and the bills and the house 24/, she was out screwing who ever and whatever she wanted. I just want to yell at her at the top of my lungs and tell her just what I think, but I know I would just regret it later, that is why I kicked her out, I just got feed up and blew it. Just trying to vent here but I think I need to take advantage of having the Grandparents here and get out of the house. Will come back later.