McQueen, Not sure I follow you? I was contacted by OM spouse with all of the evidence, and am gratefull that someone was on the ball, and confronted it. I contacted OM who verified evidence, but denied anything physical. I still don’t buy it. There is more I'm sure, Both OM and wife lied to me about secret contact, cell phones ect... Can’t believe anything unless I see it myself. Wife is still on the fence with regard to remorse, justification for actions, ect..back and forth with her emotions with regard to “it was just a friendship".
"I can forgive you if you are truly sorry for what you have done and you want to work on rebuilding trust. But if you think I'm going to wait forever for you to realize that this marriage is important to you, you're wrong, I'm not going to waste my time, energy or love on someone who isn't going to do whatever it takes to save this relationship. I will just pick up, move on and find someone else for myself and let you go because I'm not living like this anymore."
And that's it.
Let her do the work required to rebuild the trust, let her prove to you that she wants to do this.
If she doesn't do any of this and won't invest the effort, you can't convince her to do otherwise and you have your answer on what you need to do, pick up & move on.
Don't live in limbo, you'll hurt yourself more if you allow this to continue forever.
