Just to clarify, Schnarch is interested in how a person's interaction with SEX PARTNERS reveals his/her desire for self-growth, so #5 refers only to completely accepting your partner and revealing every aspect of yourself DURING SEX.
Schnarch also states that we all marry partners at the same level as ourselves. When one partner feels the need to grow beyond gridlock in the marriage, his changes will force the partner to either grow as well, or exit the marriage. So, as long as you are determined not to change things, there must be emotional needs which your marriage is meeting--eg. being your wife's "caretaker?"
