You did fantastic, O. That is precisely how boundaries are laid -- and enforced.
And how about that Coach, CALLING HIS SHOT on the jumping of O's bones? A real Ruthian moment at Wrigley, that was.
Puppy
P.S. Deep, I disagree about the complete transparency. Since O's wife has expressed regret, and is indicating she wants to end things with OM and work on her marriage, now is precisely the time to demand 100% no-contact and complete transparency. To do any less would be to play with matches!
You did good. Real good! I think she will have her moments and will test you again, so be on guard. It is clear that she respected you for the stand you took and was attracted to that. Women may have come along way baby.....but they still like men who wear pants!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanksgiving day went well. She is still making nice, but I have a feeling it is superficial, for appeasement sake, and is not entirely genuine. I was feeling grief, and betrayal. No I am angry, and have a gnawing desire for the complete truth. I'm Having bad dreams with striking clarity, and am convinced that I don’t know everything. I’m having a tough time dealing with the anger and curiosity of certantly unknown depth of the A. Should I probe further, or leave it alone? I feel like I am riding a wave of false security, and the next devastating bomb is ready to detonate. Am I parinoid, or is this realistic. Should I demand more, or is it self serving and counter productive. She has gravitated back to the posture of denial, with regard to the severity of the damage. I believe she feels comfortably safe, and all should just be forgotton.
Oblivious Me / W 47 EA 07/09 to ? PA ? M 13 Years
marriage is the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery. GEORGE WASHINGTON, May 23, 1785
Ob, What you are feeling is normal. There is a book about dealing with the aftermath of affairs, someone will show up with the name. You two will have to address your concerns or it will fester in your mind, don't let this go unresolved. Of course she wants it to be forgotten - she's ashamed, embarassed, knows she has hurt you, broken your trust, and unsure on how to proceed. I would find a MC to help deal with this.
Keep your boundaries in place, your feelings are your feelings be wise in how you express them, and if something is bothering you then it is your responsibility to bring it up.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
McQueen, Not sure I follow you? I was contacted by OM spouse with all of the evidence, and am gratefull that someone was on the ball, and confronted it. I contacted OM who verified evidence, but denied anything physical. I still don’t buy it. There is more I'm sure, Both OM and wife lied to me about secret contact, cell phones ect... Can’t believe anything unless I see it myself. Wife is still on the fence with regard to remorse, justification for actions, ect..back and forth with her emotions with regard to “it was just a friendship".
Oblivious Me / W 47 EA 07/09 to ? PA ? M 13 Years
marriage is the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery. GEORGE WASHINGTON, May 23, 1785
Coach, "Not just friends" maybe, by Sh Glass? A dark book if you ask me, makes you see the things you prefer not to, but helpful to realise what you need to do to recover... K
McQueen, Not sure I follow you? I was contacted by OM spouse with all of the evidence, and am gratefull that someone was on the ball, and confronted it. I contacted OM who verified evidence, but denied anything physical. I still don’t buy it. There is more I'm sure, Both OM and wife lied to me about secret contact, cell phones ect... Can’t believe anything unless I see it myself. Wife is still on the fence with regard to remorse, justification for actions, ect..back and forth with her emotions with regard to “it was just a friendship".
"I can forgive you if you are truly sorry for what you have done and you want to work on rebuilding trust. But if you think I'm going to wait forever for you to realize that this marriage is important to you, you're wrong, I'm not going to waste my time, energy or love on someone who isn't going to do whatever it takes to save this relationship. I will just pick up, move on and find someone else for myself and let you go because I'm not living like this anymore."
And that's it.
Let her do the work required to rebuild the trust, let her prove to you that she wants to do this.
If she doesn't do any of this and won't invest the effort, you can't convince her to do otherwise and you have your answer on what you need to do, pick up & move on.
Don't live in limbo, you'll hurt yourself more if you allow this to continue forever.
