Sandi, Sorry I wasnt trying to question your experience or wisdom here, its just I know that this is pure emotion on her part with very little thought to practicalities and what the real situation is going to present.
Oh...no problem. Don't feel that you owe any apologies b/c we all learn from each other. Every stitch is a tad different and they certainly are personal. I should have explained what I meant about her "thinking about what she would be leaving behind" more carefully. Let's say she is not involved in an A and is a WAW only. If so, then I believe she has given everything considerable thought. If she's a WAW who is involved in an EA, if not a PA, then she still has given it thought.....however, with her brain drenched with those false "in-love" chemicals....it causes her to think about leaving all of those things in a very different light than from what you believe she should think about it. She would think of everything in terms of her fantasy. Therefore, the things you may try....like the trip....and hoping it would cause her to realize what she would be giving up.....would probably not work that way with her b/c of her thought process. Does that make more sense? It is hard to explain.
I believe the WAW has to know what her consequences would be if she left. If those consequences outweigh her benefits or desire for leaving...then that will get her attention.
All of your emotions you have felt is completely normal. You cannot think correctly when operating out of high emotions, so that is why we encourage you to come here and ask questions before you make any decisions about doing things.
I completely agree with Trent where telling friends are concerned. Especially since you do not know if she is in an A or not. Her friends will more than likely continue to be "her" friends and you probably will not persuade them to change their advice. It makes the LBH look weak when he turns to her friends to "help" him by talking to her. If he is wanting to set the record straight, it still makes him look bad. I can understand your desire behind it, but I advise you not to talk to them. You will come out being the bad guy worse than you are now.
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I will take some time to read you sitch..but may I ask how things turned out for you?
I am very happy to tell you that my H and I are still together. It was very devastating for my H, but he was able to forgive me and he gave me time to heal from the EA. He needed time to heal also. I also had a lot of resentment to overcome. I come across an old post now and then and it is a little embarrasing to me b/c I can see my anger in what I say. You see, I came here to the board during the time I was in my EA, so even after I stopped contacting OM, it was hard for me to get over resenting some issues where my H was concerned. It was things that had built over many years that I had tried to push down inside of me b/c it was not worked out nor talked out. I had tried to talk it out in years past, but my H would not communicate like I did. He would not talk about emotions/feelings. I needed that....but it just did not happen. So....it's a long story, but now we are doing good and I keep a thread over on the Piecing forum just so I'll have a place for people to contact me if they want to. But, our D was busted.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
