First time poster feeling a bit lost

[TrentC]

You say shes thought about it...Has she?

Sandi was a WAW, so I give her the benefit of the doubt when she talks about these things.

I believe strongly that no-one has discussed the real trauma that comes from breaking up a family.
and even if she thought about it.. the penny hasn't really dropped.

You are right; WAS's don't really get it, or they convince themselves that they will be able to recover from it.

But you know what else? There is nothing you can say or do to make them realize it.

You are attempting to rebut emotional choices with rational arguments, and it won't work because everything you say at this point will seem to her as desperation and pursuit.

Your best bet at this point is to focus on yourself, and work on your own issues. Your wife will start to figure out that divorce is painful and emotionally draining on her own, and it will help the chances of turning things around if you are not the needy, clingy person that she was planning to leave in the first place.

The trip will/(if agreed) will be tough especially without her but it may make her think about the above.

Doubtful, but you're welcome to try.

It may also make her see that I am getting on with my life.

But are you really if you are hanging on to the hope that this trip, or something else that you may say or do, will make her see reason?

She spoke to her sister before dropping the bomb, I wondered what you views were on me talking to her or even some of her close friends. After all they only have one side of the story. and its that side of the story that their "good advice" is being dished out on.

That's up to you. I would caution you about getting her friends involved (or yours, for that matter), because it is easy to turn your friends against your spouse (or turn her friends against you) if you dish too much, which may complicate matters if and when you do reconcile. You may see it as setting the record straight, but they may see it as trying to get them on your "side".