WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[MHL]

My Dad and his Wife made it in last night late, let the kids stay up to see them and got them to bed right away. Of course, Dad and his Wife wanted to know the latest, his wife was the most interested and seemed I was talking to her the whole time as my Dad was falling asleep on the couch. Sometimes, I feel more comfortable talking to a woman about my sitch rather than a man,not sure why. We stayed up until 2am bringing them up to speed on everything. I was really nervous that they would be telling me over and over again to move on, as in give up. I was really surprised when my Dad's W asked me "What would you do if my W came crawling back right now?" As if that were an option for me in her mind for me. I am not sure but maybe they or at least my Dad's W is starting to admire me for my dedication to my W.

I did respond to her question of "what would I do if?" b/c I have thought about, not obssessed about it. My thoughts are that I would tell my W to go back to her house for 3 days and think about why she wants to come back, write them down and then if she still wanted to come back and try I would be willing to try also but that it would take a long time and we would have to remain separated the entire time. I know this is purely hypothetical but one thing I learned in Anger Management is that I need to plan a response for sitch's that might make me angry or upset. I think the same principal can be applied to DBing. Who knows what is going to happen when my W gets out of the hospital. It is a possibility but I think unlikely, more likely the NC on both sides will continue when she returns and I am ready for that.

I actually want it but I know it is going to be difficult on my S9. He asked me yesterday if Mom was going to be here for Christmas? I told him that "I don't know", I know that is killing him and it breaks my heart. Later in the evening after we returned home, I could tell my S9 was down, I knew he probably wanted to talk to his Mom. I wanted him to feel better so I texted her and "said S9 really wants to talk to you, if you call he will answer." She called and S9 talked with her for about 5 minutes. S9 felt better after and my concern was with him. Now I wonder if that was a mistake to reach out to her to initiate contact with our S9. I don't think that I should have to help maintain the R between my W and S9 even if she is in the hospital. I was doing it for him but I know I am still providing a safety net for her and she is getting what she wants w/o even asking. I guess I lost a little power last night. BTW according to my S9 she was at SIL's house for Thanksgiving but was returning to hospital today. Not that I care and I don't but I am starting to realize that I can not believe anything she says to me or anyone else. For all I know she is back in town but again I don't care and it does not matter. I really am feeling the detatchment take place, I am able to think more clearly about priorities for me and the kids. I know am still going to have low points but hopefully they will be further and farther in between.