Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Greek]

Hey there, Soldier. Thank you for your service.

No doubt the folks here will have you squared away in time for your 2 week gig at home. My job in all of that will be to point out to you that your wife - the one who is probably stepping out on you, living in the home your provide for her and supposed to be holding down the fort for you while you serve - does NOT get to call YOUR shots. In other words, she does not get to tell you where you will lay your head when you get home.

So she is dropping your vehicle and your minor sons (Mother of the Year material, btw) at the airport. Kind of a b!tchy move but nevertheless, no problem for SoldierDad b/c he wants to see his boys first thing AND he needs his truck to get home anyway...so that works.

And when he gets home, he is sleeping in his bed. It goes like this: "W, I have heard you and am thoughtfully considering what you've been writing and telling me recently. I cannot control what you think and feel. I don't want to end our M and I will not be leaving our home. What you do is up to you." Unpack in the marital bedroom. Again, if she does not like that, "W, I understand that you are not comfortable sharing a bed with me at this time. Probably what you should do in that case is sleep in another room."

While you are home for that two weeks, you will need to do what is necessary to guard your finances and other rights. Don't be shy about this and don't be apologetic. She is not on your side, buddy ~ she is out for herself. She is already displaying signs that she will not play nice. You don't have to be an a$$ - you just need to be firm, have boundaries with her and stand by what you say.

One thing that comes to mind as I've read about your W - and Coach touched on it, too - that business about being overweight. This is rarely about a love affair with food. It's usually a protective activity or a way to numb other pains. And losing weight - sure, it's healthy and all that - but that is about control ~ going to take control of what I put in MY mouth, MY body, MY life. And all of this is good. But gosh we get out of balance sometimes. Sounds like your W wants to control what you'll do, too, b/c she is sure is calling YOUR shots. You have to let her call hers, but what YOU will do is about YOU. Sometimes we girls need to be reminded of that. And by the way, we like to see a man stand up for himself. You'll do fine.

It is not ok for her to tell you where you will stay. It is not ok for her to have a relationship with another man. These are your boundaries.

Greek