SD, I second the books Puppy recommended. You wife has HUGE emotional needs - being very overweight (stuffing the emotional hole with food), then losing the weight and getting attention. When you were home you kept filling the emotional holes. This is unhealthy for both of you - read the books (Google the names and you can get some info now on-line).
I spent 9 years flying in the AF. Your wife will still be watching you. She knows more about what's going on at camp than you. What do you do? You take care of yourself - emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.
If the OM is a reality then you set a "boundary." Do your homework on this topic.
Do not expose to friends and family.
You will not be fine with her behavior, she can do whatever she wants. You will act as if about wanting to be the husband of a woman who doesn't want or respect you. You only control yourself right now.
Be a great Dad to your kids, do the work on yourself, ask questions, open your mind and know that you will thrive thru this. You can handle it.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
