Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

This problem with your mom and you being mad at W for not contacting mom, etc. Why on earth would you expect her to do the right thing??? Stop and think about it! Didn't I tell you that she is not the same woman you M and to stop thinking of her in terms like that? You're still doing it. Guess who it's hurting?

It's not that W is a different person - I've accepted that. I just can't imagine anybody being so heartless. That is what has got me.

You get totally obessed. You just "had" to do some type of action! Couldn't rest until you sent that NC letter......

You're absolutely right. I couldn't rest until I sent the NC letter. I couldn't rest because it was eating me up seeing W all the time. She was having her cake and eating it. She was not getting any consequences of what she did. I had two choices - keep seeing her and facilitating contact with D which wasn't working or do something different (is that not what we keep being told) so I did.

then you have to explain it?

With all due respect, what choice did I have? When I arrived home with D on Monday she was already here. She said she didn't understand the letter. I put D into the house and explained it to her on the street. She left. Job done.

Had she turned up AFTER we were already here I can completely understand I had a choice - don't answer the door. I didn't have that choice though.

Then you get so obsessed with NC!

I'm not obsessed by it. I've never done it before I just want to know what is the best way to approach the email. As I get more and more used to this I'll know how to do these things. I'm not going to apologise for asking for help.

I had two issues on the email - the xmas present and the 'list'. List is sorted - she'll get the stuff that is hers.

Xmas present bothers me and I'm almost certain that W put that in there to get a reply from me. I have already bought the present that W will be buying plus I don't want her to buy D anything at all as D needs to get over her and not be constantly reminded that her step-mother isn't here. I WAS torn between letting IM contact her and telling her no more presents, cards or gifts. But other half of me thinks that she has already been told in no uncertain terms that we are moving on - that would mean no contact, presents etc.

HOWEVER, I also have an issue with D's Xmas play that is put on by the school each year. W knows when this is and is likely to be there, maybe with OM. If IM contacted her about presents then she could also say that it's inappropriate for her to be there. Two birds and one stone.

I have decided to not contact her about it and let things happen as they happen. As I said, I've made myself clear to her. If she chooses to ignore it then so be it. The presents will be returned.

Now you're obsessed about how to get her stuff to her.

You are confusing obsessed with asking for advice. I want to know what is the best thing to do given the situation. I got my answer, let the IM handle it. She will be.

Just stop it. If she's not concerned about it...pack it up and set it by the curb.

No, because that's not me. Just because I have decided on NC doesn't mean I become a cold hearted b*tch like her. I thought it would be easier for me if I became that but I don't want to.

She will get the stuff that is hers, in a garbage bag, given to the IM, who can sort out the details.

You need to move on!

I do completely. Which is why I did NC. Bear in mind one thing that while I've been venting off and chatting and becoming 'obsessed' in here, I haven't contacted her at all. If she hadn't come around on Monday that would have been over one week contact free which is a milestone. Had I not had this forum I would have replied to the email already.

In short I will be ignoring the email. Thanks for the advice from everybody. Whatever fallout occurs (if cutterbug is right) I will continue to ignore. If she wants contact then it has to be as per NC letter. Nothing else.