Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Hello all, I have been lurking here for a few days, and I need some help. My story:
Me 44, W 38 2 boys - 12 and 15, M 14 yrs.
Before deployment-March 09, marriage was pretty stable-or so I thought, we have had our share of fights, but I had no idea that she was feeling this way. NO mention of divorce, or separation. W had gastric bypass year ago, lost 100 pounds and looks very good. She is very concerned w/her looks, and loves attention. W doesn't seek attention, just likes it when she is in the spotlight. August of 09, W drops the I need space, you are smothering me line. I, of course, do everything BUT give her space, constant calling, e-mailing-pushed her even further away. She has alienated her family, and hasn't called her M in 3 weeks. W called a month ago, dropped I am not in love with you, I fell out of love a long time ago speech. Since then, have done pretty good job w/180/NC. Only e-mailing, talking -reference to the boys. Throughout the marriage, I have been the one that says sorry most of the time, and basically dote on her. I would take her breakfast every day, when I wasn't busy, filled her car with gas etc. I did everything for her. I think she has lost respect for me. I am not sure if there is OM or not. I have hired PI, to find out. Will know something the first/second week of December. She has made NO attempt at reconciliation, and whenever we do have contact, she is telling me what she wants from the divorce, for me not to fight her, etc. Whenever she writes to me about D, I refuse to acknowledge it/write back to her about it, instead, I write about how excited I am to see the boys over Christmas etc. She has a friend at her work, who is a single, divorced W w/B12. They go out constantly, staying out late, etc. My question is, what is she doing? MLC or WAS? And, can I save my marriage? I am scheduled to go back home on R & R second week of Dec, she has said that I am not welcome in our home. I already know the things she is going to say to me, and her actions. She will tell me that she doesn't want me in the house, and for me to leave. My question is: what happens if I don't leave, and she calls police and says I threatened her, or something like that? I live in Texas-not sure of laws. Also, she has said in the past that I will never change, things will go back to the way they were, etc. My background: come from extremely close, loving family, lots of hugs, "I love you's", etc. Her back ground: Comes from big family, but not close at all. Father killed by DD when she was 4. Not alot of affection from anyone in her family. I need help to save my marriage, if it is salvageable. Any and all advice/guidance is greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading my post.