The timing is still a big issue, the secrecy, and now what he's fuming about is that I had mentioned to S19 about couple of months ago that we were seeing a MC to learn how to talk better. I didn't plan that, it was a natural progression of the conversation, and H wasn't there to ask before I did. We were talking about his adjustment issues at college, and I was worried that he was picking up on our troubles and was upset. Turns out he hadn't. I didn't tell H afterward, and I should have. It didn't seem like a big deal, S was calm about the whole thing. My mistake to bring it up, and not telling H after.
Bunny.... I don't think that you have to tell H everything that you tell S. The fact that you thought it wasn't a big deal tells me that it probably wasn't a big deal.
Don't let him blame you for things that you didn't do wrong!
The timing is still a big issue, the secrecy, and now what he's fuming about is that I had mentioned to S19 about couple of months ago that we were seeing a MC to learn how to talk better. I didn't plan that, it was a natural progression of the conversation, and H wasn't there to ask before I did. We were talking about his adjustment issues at college, and I was worried that he was picking up on our troubles and was upset. Turns out he hadn't. I didn't tell H afterward, and I should have. It didn't seem like a big deal, S was calm about the whole thing. My mistake to bring it up, and not telling H after.
I'm exhausted.
SB,
Sorry you're having a time right now. But, it's ok and it is going to be ok.
Stop taking the balme for everything. YOU are not ruining the holidays - HE is by treating you the way he has and leaving you no choice by his failure to address some pretty glaring character flaws. You are not to blame for having a discussion with your S. Just stop.
And expect your H to keep turning everything around on you. Everything will be "your fault." Choose not to accept that b/c it's not true. And part of this is exactly b/c things aren't going according to his plan. TOUGH!
Deep breath. Get some sleep tonight. You will feel better in the morning.
You have gotten some great advice. Go back and re-read it.
Did you really expect it to? He's not happy, you have not done as he expected.. he's going to make sure you don't feel 'well' about things... he's had years of practice.
Originally Posted By: spybunny
The timing is still a big issue, the secrecy, and now what he's fuming about is ....
... blah, blah, blah, blah.. all script. there will ALWAYS be something he's fuming about
Originally Posted By: spybunny
My mistake to bring it up, and not telling H after.
You have every right to have a conversation with your ADULT son & not include H in that.
I got some sleep and feel better. No discussions yet today, everything is calm at the moment. First off, we will discuss what to say to the kids, whom we will tell later today, and the arrangements for tomorrow. I hope these discussions go a bit smoother. I'll check in again later- Thank you everyone for keeping tabs on me, it helps so much to know that caring people are out there!
Hello SpyBunny, I'm here to offer support and encouragement. I'm the one who always said
"put on your own oxygen mask first, save yourself first" that's not in a selfish way. It just means if you're passed out and not breathing, you sure can't help your kids or anybody else nearby.
I joined here in May of 08 when I was so scared to type my story my hands were shaking & I cried through the first few pages. I was so terrified that he'd find out & get angry. After a year, I was hoping he'd read everything I wrote so he would know exactly why I was done & filing for divorce.
Hang in there, there are lots of fabulous caring people here.
Cookie
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
You are doing well Bunny, and you are in my thoughts.
You didn't ask for this situation.
You are a good person.
You are strong, and are handling this.
Keep reminding yourself of these facts, because they are facts.
Accept all your feelings as well, for what they are: Feelings. They don't make you bad or good, they are just feelings and emotions to your current situation and thoughts.
((((((((((Bunny))))))))))))))))
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Hey, Bunny, Check in with us. Did you move today? How are you? How's everything? It's been 36 hours, now, don't get us worried or we'll send someone out looking for you!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
SpyBunny and Chester Bunny are moved in. Mostly moved in, I still have some clothes as the house. Things went smoothly. Tomorrow I'm shopping for a bed, I'm sleeping on the couch until I get one. Details will be forthcoming- I'm wiped out.
