Just my 2 cents - and this seems to be true with my sitch anyhow - if they want a D, they will close the door and get a D. Not only did she stick around past the 6 mo.s, she did a 180 about MC. That is huge. When you feel disappointed or down, repeat after me "she admitted that reconciliation is possible. She admitted that reconciliation is possible." If she calls you by your first name, you say this to yourself. If she retreats to her own bedroom, you repeat this to yourself. That's more than a lot of folks on here have to hold onto, so hold onto it yourself.
Looks like you and I are starting MC at the same time. My H actually gave me the green light to make an app. for MC after thanksgiving. He's complaining all the way, but he said he would give it a try. So we have that. PMA.
Just my 2 cents - and this seems to be true with my sitch anyhow - if they want a D, they will close the door and get a D. Not only did she stick around past the 6 mo.s, she did a 180 about MC. That is huge. When you feel disappointed or down, repeat after me "she admitted that reconciliation is possible. She admitted that reconciliation is possible." If she calls you by your first name, you say this to yourself. If she retreats to her own bedroom, you repeat this to yourself. That's more than a lot of folks on here have to hold onto, so hold onto it yourself.
Looks like you and I are starting MC at the same time. My H actually gave me the green light to make an app. for MC after thanksgiving. He's complaining all the way, but he said he would give it a try. So we have that. PMA.
Have a great Thanksgiving GIMA. You are a good man.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well, Thanksgiving is done. Everyone is off to bed.
Day went well. Everyone was pleasant - just W, S and D.
Tonight, W asked if I wanted her to go to my office's holiday party next week with me. Caught me off guard. I said yes. Then W says she was planning to take the kids to a museum next week and I could join them if I wanted. Really?
The old me would have been hopeful or encouraged by my W's questions. Now, they just seem to make me angry or resentful. Why keep playing the happy couple if we aren't or aren't moving in that direction?
W will, presumably, interview MC's I gave her next week. I am ready to get on with that and wherever that leads us.
It still strikes me as odd how happy, nice and gracious my W can be around me while, at the same time, want me out of her life. I mean, I understand the whole compartmentalizing thing, but I just don't know how you pull that off.
Found some great stuff tonight on opitimism and cognitive therapy. Pretty interesting and useful stuff. Should finish Seligman's "Learned Optimism" before Saturday. Pretty big on him. Thanks Coach.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Despite the reasons we find ourselves here, we all have a great deal to be thankful for, myself included. And, no matter where my M ends up, I know the coming year holds a lot of upside for me. And I plan to make the most of it.
It still strikes me as odd how happy, nice and gracious my W can be around me while, at the same time, want me out of her life. I mean, I understand the whole compartmentalizing thing, but I just don't know how you pull that off.
I've had a real hard time with this one too. I have talked to four people who have been on the "walk away" side of things to get their thoughts on it. Apparently, they really do live in some sort of fog. They just go with what feels right and none of seems as off the wall to them as it does to us on the outside.
One person said she did the same thing. It made sense to her to go with the thought of "as long as I am here I may as well make the best of it."
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
It still strikes me as odd how happy, nice and gracious my W can be around me while, at the same time, want me out of her life. I mean, I understand the whole compartmentalizing thing, but I just don't know how you pull that off.
I've had a real hard time with this one too. I have talked to four people who have been on the "walk away" side of things to get their thoughts on it. Apparently, they really do live in some sort of fog. They just go with what feels right and none of seems as off the wall to them as it does to us on the outside.
One person said she did the same thing. It made sense to her to go with the thought of "as long as I am here I may as well make the best of it."
Hmmm
Have to admit I have felt like this myself over the past few days - happy to be here, happy to do things with W, happy to be affectionate, ready to call it quits, happy to discuss D with her if she wants. It is freaking W out a bit "How can you be talking about D and then all the sudden want to be affectionate??" she says.
"as long as I am here I may as well make the best of it." kind of sums it up.
Last edited by Thinker; 11/27/0906:38 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
