What is a reasonable expectation for how long one should wait on this? Should I communicate this to her at some point in the future so that she knows my conditions and that the A can't be swept under the rug?
I believe everyone has to determine that for themselves. You don't need to tell her the deadline b/c she will wait right up to the final hour before making a move (if she does make a move)in the direction you are wanting. However, you can have a date in your mind, and as far as relating this to her, when communicating say, "I don't how long I will be able to continue in a MR where things are swept under the rug". "I do not believe in an open M and would not be able to continue in a MR where there was a third person". "I will not be able to to stay in a M where there is not openess and truth." Something to that effect. I'm not the world's best at this. Just make sure you are prepared for an answer to any question she may pop off at you.
If she looks the other way and doesn't respond to any of those statements, then that's bad!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
