Good to hear from you and I'm glad it's been relatively uneventful so far.
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
Hi guys- I refused to engage him on this one.
Good for you.
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
After all, he doesn't beat me, and we don't fight everyday (he goes after me verbally in those bad R discussions which have been about every other month). So why do I feel that I have it so bad? And honestly, I didn't know how to explain it.
Sounds almost like you are "feeding into the role he's written for you," as SDFoundGirl said. Don't waver. Re-read your posts.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I feel lost and confused, and I'm floundering. I thought I knew why I was doing this, but I can't explain it to H, it sounds inconsequential when I try to put into words. I guess I could have waited another month. I'm sorry, I'm messing my family's lives up, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did think it was the right thing.
I'll be OK, I'm just a little upset at the moment. And so will the kids.
I feel lost and confused, and I'm floundering. I thought I knew why I was doing this, but I can't explain it to H, it sounds inconsequential when I try to put into words. I guess I could have waited another month. I'm sorry, I'm messing my family's lives up, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I really did think it was the right thing.
I'll be OK, I'm just a little upset at the moment. And so will the kids.
You're not lost. And I don't blame you for floundering. He is making you feel confused. You know exactly why you are doing this and how right and necessary it is for your health. You don't have to explain to H until you're good and ready. You are not messing your kids' lives up. At all. Probably the exact opposite in the long run. You "really did think it was the right thing" because it is the right thing. You know this, too. Known it for months. Longer.
Breathe. Go for a walk. When H brings it up, just say, "Not tonight. No more tonight." Don't engage any more tonight.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
You are doing this because your H is EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. Because it costs you and your self-esteem to be in this R. Because you only get one life, and it's time you started living and being healthy.
My guess? You rocked his world to the core because you didn't perform according to his script, so he has to turn it on you. What does H always do? Make it Bunny's fault. Bunny is stupid. Bunny is irresponsible. Bunny is my toy and under my control. When Bunny doesn't do what I want her to or when I'VE screwed up/had a bad day/feel like, I spew all over her.
New Bunny script: "H, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I believe it is all for the best. Yes H, I understand you think I've made a mistake/ruined my kids' lives; I'm sorry you feel that way." Go now and practice saying "I'm sorry you feel that way," 20-times or until it rolls off your tongue.
This is the way your H has controlled you all these years. Go back and reread your threads from start to finish, and THEN tell us you're making a mistake.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
You don't have to be able to explain it right now.
What you are feeling is normal, in my opinion. Just don't let it overwhelm you.
The answer to you questions is in your threads, but you don't need the details right now. I think you can sum it up in saying that for your own sanity, you have to have the space, and you need it now. It's ok!
