Today was hard for me. Thanksgiving, to me, is a time for good food, family, and giving thanks. Today I ate good food but had to substitute family for friends. And I don't feel like being very thankful at the momment. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to be thankful for, but the one thing that I want most is so far out of reach. And certainly out of my control.
Do you think H had a difficult Thanksgiving too? He did have the kiddos with him. But even so, it still had to be at the very least, strange. Guess I am not as detached as I thought. Need to work on that.
It was very difficult to watch my friends' family interact with each other. It was painful watching husband and wife flirting in the kitchen, the boys wrestling, sitting down together to eat as a family, plus one (me). I envied it all. This is exactly what I want for myself and my family.
This brings up one of many things that I don't understand about a WAS. Why give this all up? Why break up a family? You say you are not happy. So let's fix it. But instead he just walked away from me. Not the kids, mind you, just me and our M. I know this action is typical of a WAS. That doesn't mean I understand it. Nor does that mean I have to like it. It just is and now I have to deal with it. And in the end, I will be okay.
Sorry for the venting. I feel better now.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
