A distinction can be made this way - H violated the vows of your M. He broke the bond of trust. Even if he does want to re-commit, key word here being "re", he has a lot of work to do, and none of that is do-able unless and until he undos some of the circumstances that allowed that trust to be broken.
Transparency is necessary because he has demonstrated willingly that he is not to be trusted as far as OW is concerned. The ball is firmly in his court.
You are here not because you chose to be an LBS or betrayed spouse. You were put in that position and you chose to garner all the support you can ... to either make the M work, or to move on and live a fabulous life anyway ... best efforts here. And your friend and this forum is part of that support system. You owe NO apologies to anyone for this. You did not betray the vows of your M so there is no issue of transparency here. You need to keep some privacy since you are fighting a war in many ways here, and need to keep somethings to yourself.
If and when your sitch clears up and the M is healed, you may choose to tell your H, or not. And to stay and help others who are hurting, or not.
Stay strong, stay true
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
