Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

P17
I am torn as to whether you should respond or not. The reason I am torn is because NC is supposed to be for your benefit and to allow you to heal. It is difficult to maintain NC when there is a potential for conflict.

I will arrange for her bits and pieces to be with the IM and the IM can arrange with her when she can pick it up. The house here is not her house anymore and I have no intention of letting her be in it while I'm not here!

On the other side though, you could explain to her that she has had plenty of opportunities to get her belongings and that by asking for more possessions she is not respecting your wishes. The advantage here is that it shows you have backbone by reinforcing the NC. Perhaps she will get the message. And even if she doesn't, that means she'll have to pursue you. So on some level it's a win-win.

This is bugging me. She has had ample opportunity to get these bits and pieces before she left. In fact I remember when she left she said she would pick up the 'stocking' later (and never did). This will go on as she remembers more and more things she left, no doubt in a deliberate attempt to keep things going and to keep H here dangling.

If you decide to contact her, your first line should reinforce the NC. You should then address any attempts to break it. That means telling her that she need not buy a Christmas gift for D because all that will do is remind her that her stepmother is no longer around. This will make her feel uncomfortable, and that's a good thing.

I am considering asking the IM to contact her about this as I don't want D getting a Xmas gift from her for these precise reasons. D NEEDS to forget about W and move on with her life. We both do. I know it may seem cruel but constantly getting gifts and cards from W is not going to allow my D to forget and move on. My D's birthday is in the middle of January so we will be visiting this situation again if I don't make it clear now.

Asking IM to do it again reinforces the NC and reinforces my boundaries. ALL contact must go through IM.

On the other side of this I thought that the NC made it clear that there was to be NO CONTACT except for two reasons. It also made clear that D and me will move on with our lives without her. How the h*ll can we move on with our lives when she is STILL getting involved with us, buying D presents and asking for me to drop stuff off for her at work. It really annoys me that she has completely ignored me. COMPLETELY. Even after being told about it twice. Then again, it gives me strength that I understand (thanks to these forums) what she is up to. This is a power struggle and I currently hold all the cards and if I stick with NC, will continue to hold them.

Having said all of that I actually don't want to contact her at all. NC means NC. The only thing that is bothering me is that I have already bought the present that she was going to buy and I actually feel quite bad that she is going to buy D stuff and she is never going to get to give her it. But again, I have made it clear TWICE that we are moving on with our lives without her. I'm not sure how much more clear I can be. W is a big girl and obviously understands what I have said. If she chooses to ignore it, there is little I can do.

As for the e-mail, I'm in that same boat. My W still uses her married name on social networking sites. That's the cowardice and fear. A thrive on secrecy, and her situation thrives when the masses do not know. Hence, the e-mail name to conceal her activities.

The more I digest what I was told this week about W not talking to her friends about the A, the more I realise she is keeping it quiet and this is for a reason. This makes me want to contact work and Union to expose as I did before. However I believe this would break the NC?