First Timer

[antlers]

Also, my wife has stopped talking to me and only does so if it is important or involves the kids.

Leaving to go somewhere with the kids and without you and not even telling you about it while you're there 'is' important and it 'does' involve the kids!

[wolverine1997]

I agree, but what do I do about it. If I don't ask most times she won't tell. We've talked and fought about it before but nothing changes. I just make sure that I always ask where she is going.

[antlers]

I agree, but what do I do about it. If I don't ask most times she won't tell. We've talked and fought about it before but nothing changes. I just make sure that I always ask where she is going.

Are you content living this way? Something 'needs' to change. Do you respect yourself...letting her treat you this way? I doubt it! And you can rest assured that she doesn't respect you either...especially for letting her treat you this way and get away with it!

Change something! Set some boundries.

[wolverine1997]

I agree with you. But in all fairness you probably need to read my whole sitch to get the background. A lot more complicated than you probably think. We have bumped heads more than once over these issues. Check out my original post.

[antlers]

I agree with you. But in all fairness you probably need to read my whole sitch to get the background. A lot more complicated than you probably think. We have bumped heads more than once over these issues. Check out my original post.

No doubt. I don't know your whole situation. But regardless of how complicated it is, you are being disrespected and devalued by your wife, and we both know that's no way to live!

[wolverine1997]

What do you suggest?

[antlers]

What do you suggest?

I suggest not being a doormat; I suggest respecting and valuing yourself, including all the ramifications that entails for your particular situation (whatever they may be); and I suggest letting go of people who don't respect or value you, and that includes all the ramifications that entails for your particular situation (whatever they may be).
Know this...things will not get better continuing on like you are right now.


ps - I'm on your side.

[wolverine1997]

OK, so saying all of that, what do you suggest? Are you saying that I should divorce her? Kick her out? I'm looking for options. In my situation I have very limited choices.

[antlers]

OK, so saying all of that, what do you suggest? Are you saying that I should divorce her? Kick her out? I'm looking for options. In my situation I have very limited choices.

I can't tell you what to do wolverine1997 as far as divorcing her or kicking her out...I don't know your particular situation. And I don't know what the ramifications would be if you established boundries and started respecting and valuing yourself, and detatched from those who don't value or respect you. But, whatever those ramifications would be...you would be better off as a man and person as opposed to continuing on the way you are! The things I've mentioned are universal and in your best interests, regardless of particular situations and particular ramifications. I can't be more specific, but first and foremost you must respect and value yourself in order to be a happy, whole, and fulfilled person.

[wolverine1997]

I guess then that we will have to agree to disagree. I feel that I have set boundaries. Yes, this has been a struggle because since our problems have started she has been all over the map with her thinking and actions. It has truly been a rollercoaster ride. And I generally either over analyze or over react as to what steps to take. So I have learned to move a little slower than I normally would.

I respect and value myself, but I must admit that this situation has been humbling and has made me readjust my thinking and boundaries at times. I have also found that some boundaries are flexible depending on the situation and others are hardlined no matter what. At times it has been a struggle with boundaries because their has been so many of them.

Actully, I am somewhat proud of how I have handled things because I have shown considerable restraint and patience (Not due to my own strength but with the help of God). My natural response and reaction to my situation would be to fight fire with fire, worry about me and the kids, put her out, and let the chips fall where they may. But because of my Bible beliefs I know that I must also continue to show love for my wife even if she isn't showing the same love back to me. I also keep in mind that my wife's mental situation has a lot to do with her actions as well. I believe that if I can keep things together long enough either she will come to her senses or she will cross a boundary that will clearly define my best option, ie divorce. Until then I believe that my best option is to address each situation as they arise.