I`m very interested in that avoidant personality thing that Grace mentioned. It seems to be something we have in common with our H.
I noticed for me that the boundary setting thing -putting my foot down gently-really seems to have improved things around here. For me, at any rate.
I wonder if thats what we have to do to deal with this avoidance stuff. My H explodes when he`s bottled up an excessive amount of bad feeling. Of course I`m not privy to when those ab feelings start so have no idea when -or why- he`s about to spew.
What`s helped me is not to get upset when he gets upset. I just stay very calm, even if my heart is hammering with fear or anger.
And I challenge him gently on how he says stuff "Please don`t blame me. I really didn`t know you`d feel this way"
Not, mind you, that it`ll keep us together in the long run. But at least I`m not getting as upset about stuff any more.
TIF, having fun with or without H is the way to go.We really need to learn not to let their mood affect ours. Hope your Thanksgiving is relaxing and fun for you and the kids.
