I don't like the "are you sure you want to be married to someone who ____" comments made on this board. As a confidence boost, though, it's good to remember that we deserve more than what we're getting from our S's right now.
Good response GF. He's not himself right now, which is a big part of all this. Remember that.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I don't like the "are you sure you want to be married to someone who ____" comments made on this board.
I'm sorry you disapprove, Jon. I think the idea is to get people like GF to explore their motivations, and to establish healthy boundaries. When one's devotion for a spouse (or to ANYTHING, for that matter) crosses over into "I will hold on to this at all costs," then it becomes an unhealthy co-dependency, rather than devoted fidelity.
That's all I was trying to communicate. I am pro-marriage, and am here to try to save them, but it must be done in a healthy way that's not emasculating nor overly enmeshed.
Well, what I did for his birthday was when D13 went with him on Sat. was just put a card in from each kid and one from me. It was just a funny card nothing mushy or anything. Put his name on top and just signed my name.
When he was with D13 and I was on the phone with her she said Daddy said thank you. I just ok, finished conversation with D13 and that was it. That wasn't until yesterday, which was his birthday. Haven't heard anything else from him.
D13 did say he wants her on Thanksgiving in the afternoon, now remember my oven isn't working, he has 2 families now due to his parents being divorced and I don't have any family. I know he is in some kind of fog, and thinks nothing of Thanksgiving (says it's just a meal), but doesn't care enough I guess to make sure we have somewhere to go to eat. But maybe I shouldn't be so hard it is only Monday but he has not mentioned one word to me except when I told him this stuff over 2 weeks ago.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Hope you had a good one Kevin! Mine was good, just me and the kids and a friend invited us over to their home but then all hell broke loose that night. H had D13 over in the afternoon for an over night and I was told by step-son that his girlfriend was sleeping over also. Well, here we go again. So I text H and told him that I didn't approve of this with our D13 being there and he was drunk and flipped out and called me all kinds of names. They are only 16yrs. old and I know if he was himself he would have never let this go on and I told him before about this and he goes and does it again. All I said was that I will come and get her if he is letting the 16yr. old girlfriend sleep there and he went crazy.
I haven't heard a word since. So looks like he is not taking his meds and I heard he is drinking really heavy now. H hurt me terrible with the words he called me. He never talked like that to me ever before, but then again I don't think I have ever seen him that drunk before. So much for setting boundaries!
When do you get D13 back? I agree with you that it is not appropriate to be allowing that. He is asking to be made a grandfather early by allowing that. D13 doesn't need to be part of that around her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Not until the next day. It's just that I know the old H and he would have never ever allowed something like that. I don't know what to think it going on in his head.
Well, last night D13 wanted to talk to me about her father and how he was crying Thanksgiving night after he screamed and called me names. I asked D13 what was wrong, she said "Daddy cried and cried and said if you ever get married don't get divorced."
I felt really bad for her and didn't know what to say. Now remember everyone, he walked out on us, I don't get this at all. Has anyone ever dealt with this sort of thing? This is so confusing to me. He was calling me names one minute and the next crying to our D13 and his other 2 sons from a high school girlfriend. Is it the depression, the drinking?
Oh GF, I'm so sorry. He has OW and she's 16? Seriously? I don't remember hearing that before.
Hang in there, just remember that he's completely miserable. Yes, it's depression, and he's probably drinking because of that. Stay strong, and keep posting.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
