You're right--the process of changing is incredibly painful. Gut-wrenching. And being under attack from the one who was supposed to love you best hurts like nothing else.
I notice your daughters are in their early teens--have they reached the stage yet where sometimes they're too emotional to be reasonable, they hate you, everything is your fault, the world is ending (for some trivial reason), you have no business interfering with their lives, and that's why they have to deceive you (and then other days they are sweet and loving kids again). I'm not sure at what age that hits girls, but my S13 is sure in that zone some days.
Does it help to see your H as that unloved teen again, getting a "redo" on a stage of his life that he didn't navigate completely the first time round? How do you handle your girls when they have emotional outbursts? What stops you from taking it personally? Could you apply the same techniques to H?
