Happy Thanksgiving TIF! And I`m sure we can virtually join in the celebrations too SR!
I`m doing fine, thanks for your posts. Feel bad that I don`t get here as much as I used to. But that pretty much reflects where I`m at in terms of my divorcebusting.
I`ve come to a good point with it all. I think the whole business of my digging into the spiritual side of me really has brought me such an amount of peace that I never could have imagined(and indeed would have been dismissive of) before.
I`m really begining to believe that things will be OK for me no matter what happens. That H believes he is right in taking his stance against me.He has to work this out his way, I can work it out my way.
Critically, I have learnt that I am not always right. I have my own degree of dysfunction to own up to;I had an expectation of not being lovable which I`ve had to change and work on. I was too serious-no fun, lousy in bed, always knarking on at H, put him down just as much as I put me down. Mirror stuff.
Meanwhile, H spins and claws out at me from time to time but he knows my boundaries. No shouting, no threatening, no bad language,no stopping me having fun and living my life.
And I have put my hand on his heart very literally and told him I really do care about him and want him to be happy, whether or not we stay together.
I know he doesn`t `get` most of it. He doesn`t `get` love or loving. He can`t articulate a huge amount of what he`s feeling because he genuinely doesn`t know.
And I`m only learning.
He doesn`t know whether I am willing to wait for him or not. And I don`t either.He doesn`t get that I`ve finally unhooked from his moodswings and am perfectly happy in most aspects of my life.(Having a great time, actually)
So where are we headed? God knows. Maybe God doesn`t even know.But I`m on the journey and actually grateful for it and enjoying it.
I look back on this time last year- a time of great anger, confusion, and despair and my Thanksgiving is for feeling that pain deeply. And, getting past it.
