P17 I am torn as to whether you should respond or not. The reason I am torn is because NC is supposed to be for your benefit and to allow you to heal. It is difficult to maintain NC when there is a potential for conflict. So it may be better to avoid conflict by allowing her to get what she wants as opposed to fighting her for personal belongings. You could schedule a time when she can come and get stuff when you are not around. That way she can get her stuff without you having to worry about seeing her or fighting over silly personal belongings that really don't matter anyway. On the other side though, you could explain to her that she has had plenty of opportunities to get her belongings and that by asking for more possessions she is not respecting your wishes. The advantage here is that it shows you have backbone by reinforcing the NC. Perhaps she will get the message. And even if she doesn't, that means she'll have to pursue you. So on some level it's a win-win. If you decide to contact her, your first line should reinforce the NC. You should then address any attempts to break it. That means telling her that she need not buy a Christmas gift for D because all that will do is remind her that her stepmother is no longer around. This will make her feel uncomfortable, and that's a good thing. NC is supposed to make you feel strong. Frequently it makes the other person feel not good. Secondary benefit. As for the e-mail, I'm in that same boat. My W still uses her married name on social networking sites. That's the cowardice and fear. A thrive on secrecy, and her situation thrives when the masses do not know. Hence, the e-mail name to conceal her activities.
