First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Need some advice here. I talked to another lawyer over the phone today and he basically said the same thing as the first lawyer, that I should file first. I am very leary about doing that since I am still trying and hoping to reconcile. If I file first and she had no true intentions to file am I cutting my own throat? I'm trying to avoid a divorce not encourage one.

The lawyer told me that if I wait and allow her to do so then I will allow her to have all the control. I think that if I do this then I will be promoting the divorce instead of stopping it. What do you guys think?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Based on just the 10 minutes or so that I spent Googling "Michigan family law divorce "does it make a difference who files first?" " the other day, I don't see where it matters.

Understand that these atty's make your money IF YOU FILE. That's how they feed their kids.

Only YOU can decide what's best for YOU.

Puppy

[wolverine1997]

Yeah, I think that I'm going to wait and do more research and "snooping". I think that if I file first that it will probably make matters worse. I know that right now she can not afford to pay for a divorce. If I file it may make her work harder towards that goal.

[wolverine1997]

I've talked to two different lawyers who both told me the same thing, that I need to file first. I really don't see how that helps me since I'm trying NOT to get divorced.

Since I found out that my wife has gone to see a lawyer I have been very paranoid. Over the last few days my wife hase been gone out of the house and it doesn't appear that she has gone where she said she was going. One day she said she was going to the grocery store, was gone for hours and only came back with a small bag of fruit. She told me that she went to the store and then had lunch with her cousins. Yesterday she said she said that she was going to the mall to get our son a new coat. After being gone for a few hours she came back empty handed and said that they didn't have his size and that she ate dinner at the mall. I figure that both times she went to see the lawyer and she doesn't want me to know. I keep checking the website for the local circuit court to see if she has filed for divorce but so far nothing comes up.

I think she knows that I have have been snooping around. She is very guarded about her purse now. She takes it everywhere she goes and keeps it in her sight at all times. Even when she is in the bathroom.

In a way I wish that she would just get it over with. I'm tired of all of the uncertainty. It doesn't appear that she is going to change her mind. I think something drastic like an act of God would have to happen for her to reconsider her actions.

[wolverine1997]

I've talked to two different lawyers who both told me the same thing, that I need to file first. I really don't see how that helps me since I'm trying NOT to get divorced.

Since I found out that my wife has gone to see a lawyer I have been very paranoid. Over the last few days my wife hase been gone out of the house and it doesn't appear that she has gone where she said she was going. One day she said she was going to the grocery store, was gone for hours and only came back with a small bag of fruit. She told me that she went to the store and then had lunch with her cousins. Yesterday she said she said that she was going to the mall to get our son a new coat. After being gone for a few hours she came back empty handed and said that they didn't have his size and that she ate dinner at the mall. I figure that both times she went to see the lawyer and she doesn't want me to know. I keep checking the website for the local circuit court to see if she has filed for divorce but so far nothing comes up.

I think she knows that I have have been snooping around. She is very guarded about her purse now. She takes it everywhere she goes and keeps it in her sight at all times. Even when she is in the bathroom.

In a way I wish that she would just get it over with. I'm tired of all of the uncertainty. It doesn't appear that she is going to change her mind. I think something drastic like an act of God would have to happen for her to reconsider her actions.

I'm just really tired, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

[wolverine1997]

Did I just mess up? My wife and kids get dressed. I asked her where they are going. She says to visit her parents. I ask her if I am invited. She snarls her face and rolls her eyes and in an irritated voice says "If you want to". I know she doesn't want me to go so I say and do nothing. I think now that I should have taken advantage of the invitation and went along. This would have given me a chance to spend time together with her. But it also may have just angered her more. What do you guys think. In restrospect I think that I should have gone.

Also, while watching the football game my wife gets a call on her cell phone. It is apparently an old male school mate who lives out of state that she hasn't talked to in years or at least a very long time. They make a lot of small talk about family and other schoolmates. I am in the same room with my wife the whole time and she continues to talk. Over the last year or so my wife has been big at contacting old friends and schoolmates. At the end of the conversation she tells him that the next time he comes to town to contact her and she and a few of their friends would meet up with him for dinner.

At this point my blood starts to boil. She is inviting another man out to dinner. I know she said it would be in a group setting, but I also know that I won't be invited. Am I over reacting? Should I say something to her? Should I leave it alone?

Lastly, I have been thinking about talking to her sister or mother about our situation. I know that this is against DB principles but I am desperate. I'm more inclined to talk to her sister since she is more inclined to encourage her to do the right thing. I talked to her mother about a two years ago and it turned into a disaster. She broke my confidence and told my wife everything that I said and much of it out of context. My wife was very upset. I get along with my inlaws well and they don't want us to divorce but they are content to sit back and mind their own business even though they will see their daughter walking off of a cliff. I'm really desperate at this point.

[antlers]

It's Thanksgiving Day! She's taking your kids somewhere without you, and doesn't even mention it to you! She doesn't respect or value you!
People treat you the way you teach them to treat you. If you let her disrespect and devalue you, then she will continue to do it...and she won't stop!
So yeah...you should say something to her. And NO...you are not overreacting, and NO...you should not leave it alone!
Don't talk to her family about it. Talk to her about it.
Respect and value yourself enough to not let other people mistreat you.

Do you think she's gonna respect someone who let's her walk all over them? Trust me on this...I learned the hard way.

[wolverine1997]

I should have mentioned that neither of our families celebrate Thanksgiving for religious reasons. So that part of it is not an issue. Just another day off work for us.

[wolverine1997]

Also, my wife has stopped talking to me and only does so if it is important or involves the kids.

[antlers]

I should have mentioned that neither of our families celebrate Thanksgiving for religious reasons. So that part of it is not an issue. Just another day off work for us.

OK. Everything else that I posted still holds true!