There is no "trying" to talk. When he TALKS about being ready to come home, then yes, you do need to be prepared with what it is you want, what your boundaries and your dealbreakers are.
I don't think he's ready yet, tho. But there's nothing that says that YOU can't be.
You have him curious. CURIOUS is where you want him to be. When you have a man curious all sorts of things go through his mind... Is there someone else? Have I screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me? Does she still love me? No, she loves me too much. I don't have to worry about Britt.
Back and forth... round and round goes the mind.. (kind of like your mind has been doing because of the curiosity that he has been driving you crazy)
He was checking up on you. Bank on it. What? He only takes a pee once every seven weeks? He is now in the position of KNOWING that someone else IS seriously interested in you and it is driving him crazy about who it is and if you are interested back. He is looking for evidence. (remember he is a cop and they are by nature and trained to look for evidence.) give him nothing. Offer nothing.
Don't throw away the power of curiosity and jealousy. You would be wise to not let on exactly how you feel right now. Men respond better when they are wondering what you are thinking. A bit distant. In your own little world. Suddenly not reaching out or seeming desperate. Short to the point answers but nothing more. No flirting back..
If you allow him to know for sure that you will always be here for him then he has no insentive to come back.
No. I think Britt has wasted alot of valuable time here.
Your husband more than likely has a married girlfriend on the side.
Married cause if she was single they would probably be shacked up. That is why he comes around sometimes then doesnt others. Explains why his mood swings to and fro (you journal over and over why is this) why? cause he gets to see her sometimes, happy but doesnt want much to do with you, then her husband is around or she is family orientated for a bit or on the rag and he doesnt see her and he takes it out on you or comes and gets some from you, (because you are always hanging on in love with your husband.) its probably been going on for a while. its addictive. fun and sinfully challenging not to get caught. they're the funnest actually, cuz, they go on and off then on again. never gets too serious. they dont have to be accountable to eachother but the desire for eachother is always there. always getting pented up.
and the girl in the corner at the banquet. the girl from 10th grade. honestly, the girls that have liked the guy all their lives and never got em, are the ones that take their own clothes off. just to try' em out when they are older to see if they were ever actually as good as they taught. and if they are married even better and your husband does advertise himself as available. you know that, dont you?. there's more to her than you know. "cant stand her, dont like her", uh huh, thats the some serious chemistry. i wont go on.
I'll prove it to you.
Dump you husband. 100% gone. I'm done. get lost loser. and start something up with some other guy.
if he really doesnt want anything to do with you, he wont give a crap in the least. why should he. if he isnt getting seriously addicted to someone else then he's really only a boy in a man's body who doesnt/never liked you, got married thinking he had to because you were pregnant, and cant accept the responsibility of his own wife and children. right? just a lousy situation he found himself in and now she wants out. thank god.
however,
if there is someone else on the side, getting dumped, and realizing some other guy is probably doing your wife is an immediate wake up call.
why? because in reality they still want you. it just something(someone) new and different is opening there legs for them. You can go in for the kill and we can help you out. things turn around real fast and you are in charge for a change. Whether you want to believe it or not you sparked interest, concern and some jealousy in your husband. You can play that to your benefit and experience some different results.
you think im wrong? maybe he's having a mid-life crisis @ 25? LOL. or he's just addicted to hockey? and living with his sister. nice life for a grown man with children right? but perfect for someone who gots a wife depressed and desperate for him and a little action on the side occassionally. Cant do Mrs. Browne tonight, guess i go watch my buddies play hockey then go drinking, that waitress at the bar has been looking back.
heres's a test. get a job at the mall or someplace where a bunch of young guys work. see your husbands concern. buy yourself some sexy sleepwear, fredricks of hollywood style, and a book about sexual positions keep it in your dressing table but never tell him or let him see them. when he watches the kids and you go out he goes through your stuff. I will 100% guarantee that. maybe if there were 2 condoms in a box of 3 in between your teddies and you came home (from the non-of your business mall) with just a faint hint of mens cologne on your clothes, you would experience different results. he probably be moving home real f'ing fast.
Wanna know why I say that and agree with SMQ? Because you have the perfect opportunity. He knows there is someone sniffing around. By dropping the D bomb on him and pushing forward it will 'wake' him up.
He will be forced to make a decision, you or whatever else. The best thing is that he wants you and the kids. If he doesn't you have your answer and are set free from Limbo and will have some answers.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
If you want to speed this process up, give their plan a try. You may not get the answer you want, but you won't be hanging on for months while he makes up his mind.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I get that, but I'm not involving myself with another guy, its too soon for one and I know that would be detrimental to our marriage. If there is OW which I know there isn't I would not give him the time of day. There are many of people on here that can forgive and forget, but I'm not one of them. I have been cheated on my whole life and I made myself a pact when I married H that I would not put up with it anymore, and therefore will not. We live in a very small town. There is absolutely no way he has OW. I would have heard by now, or I would have seen them. My SIL would have mentioned something for sure. I know my husband, and I know whats going on. Thanks SMQ for dropping in an offering your opinion and advise. I appreciate it. I will however take you up on the second part. I'm going to start playing up his curiosity a bit. The flowers worked out perfectly. Now if I can only figure out who actually sent them, so I can thank them for sending them at the perfect time! Ha Ha, just kidding. I do want to find out though. Its a mystery. But it sparked some jealousy in my H. I'll go for plan B towards the end of your post and see where it takes me. Thanks again!
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
