It has been a while since I posted. Things between H and I have not changed. I am trying to keep busy this week. We are on fall break at school and I feel so lonely knowing I am not going to be around my coworkers. I am already dreading tomorrow. I have something planned for 5 of the 7 days so I do not have to be here at home.
I keep hoping everyday that he will reach out to me, ask me to do something, go out on a date. The only thing he has done is invite me to go to a Lenny Kravitz concert, which would be fine except...I caught his 2nd affair from an email he sent to OW that said..this is how I feel about you...and had the song I Belong to You attached. Going to a concert so I can hear the song live is something I am not interested in doing.
I just still cannot get over the fact that I am going to be divorced and alone soon. I thought I was over the heartbreak. Guess not.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
Was angry at H from the time he got in bed this morning. He works nights. I was hateful in my tone and he asked me why I had to talk so mean, I told him because I was miserable, he said I am too. I am so done. You should be miserable you jerk! You have ruined our marriage!!!!!!!!!!
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I have started my own savings account and am getting things in order so I can leave when my youngest graduates in 2 1/2 years.
H and I do not talk unless we have to, have not had sex in over a year and make it a point to avois each other as much as possible. When he leaves, H still kisses me on the cheek and we do not fight, live more like roommates.
He told me Monday that he and DD are going to cook thanksgiving dinner here for us. We usually go to his family for dinner. I got up today and there were recipes written on paper that were not mine. I asked him where they came from and he said a lady at work. I am only here physically but it made me so mad that I tried to start a fight. Why am I feeling this way? He has done it twice so I am sure he will cheat a 3rd time. It just flew all over me. Why do I still have trouble detaching?
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
Well, we hardly talked at the dinner table and I am so sad thinking about what my future life alone will be like. I am so extremely lonely. I think about what a lie I am at work and to my family and it makes me sad. Funny how others would describe me as strong when I am really just nothing. I am not sure my kids will even miss me when I leave and it makes me cry. I am in the bedroom on the computer and he is in the living room watching television. How long can one go without physical contact? It is tearing me apart.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
thanks for letting me know you are listening gardener....he did come in the bedroom...to ask me if I would move to the living room so he could take a nap. Just so, so tired of it. So depressed that I am alone crying in my living room on Thanksgiving. The kids have went to my brother's to visit before their cousins go back home to Missouri. I just want to crawl in the bed and stay there until Monday morning when I have to go back to work.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
Well, we hardly talked at the dinner table and I am so sad thinking about what my future life alone will be like. I am so extremely lonely.
Oh, Kelly. The loneliness is overwhelming, isn’t it? I have to keep telling myself, “Others have walked this path. So can I”. It doesn’t make it easier, but somehow it gives it meaning.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
I just wanted to let you know you're not alone- I'm doing the same thing, just in the reverse. H is watching a movie with the kids in the family room, and I'm in the bedroom crying. Stay strong, girl- I know it sucks, but we'll get through it. We really don't have much of a choice, do we?
It helps knowing others are feeling the same way and managing with it.
~ I feel like I have cried more in the last 2 years than I have in my entire life!
I am so tired of feeling alone and weak. I tell myself that I am staying for the kids but in reality they will not understand or appreciate it down the road. They will still be angry no matter when I do it. As each day passes, I think more and more about asking H to move out. I just want some space away from him right now. It does not help that we are both off work until Monday.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
