Thanksgiving Day. Been a rough couple weeks but today is calm. The girls and I are making Lasagna for dinner. They didn't want turkey since they are going with their mother to her grandma's tomorrow for her famous turkey dinner.
These are some of the things I realize I'll miss - seeing Grandma M. and the whole family experience. After 18 years it seems weird not to go. But I didn't go last year either. However, this year XW is taking OM with her. The girls are not thrilled with that - they see this as a 'family' event and he's not family. That and D18 say's "He'll probably sit in a corner somewhere by himself since he doesn't talk much".
I'm sure it will be awkward for Grandma also. She still likes me in spite of the B.S. XW has told her. But she's in a tough spot and I worry about her. She's in her 70's but very spry.
D14 is staying overnight with me and going with D18 tomorrow on their own since they don't want to stay overnight at Grandmas. D18 has really matured in the past year and does a great job taking care of her sister.
So today I'm thankful that I have my daughters. I love them more than anything and they love and respect me too.
Yesterday I also decided to go see the doctor and get back on the anti depressants and ADHD meds. I had stopped them several months ago because they are expensive but the anxiety and lack of focus came back slowly and I realize that even though I'm broke, I need this stuff right now especially since it's the holidays.
I've also stopped calling people to vent about what XW is doing. Ozzie rightly pointed out to me that it's an obsession and has been enabling me to stay stuck. Whenever I start to feel that way I visualize myself laying down my end of 'the rope' on the ground and walking away.
