In his hugely respected book about human growth and sexuality, David Schnarch outlines a hierarchy of levels of engagement with sex partners: 1) sexual predation 2) casual consentual sex, f*ck buddies, etc 3) relationships with some "emotional investment" 4) being aware of and trying to fulfil some of partner's emotions and needs
5) "Partners realize and appreciate each other's deepest core personality and potentials--pushing themselves to disclose their most private and personal truths." 6) profound bond with a single partner in which "sex becomes a form of spiritual communion celebrating the mysteries of life"
As long as a person limits himself to extra-marital sexual encounters, he won't be able to move beyond the first four "emotionally fused" forms. Meanwhile, a sexless marriage disallows the possibility of personal growth in an intimate context. Perhaps your wife is unwilling or unable to evolve, but are you genuinely satisfied with the prospect of another decade of no change?
