As briefly as possible, here's what happened: I decided to send H a follow-up email since he didn't set a time to meet to discuss D terms before he deadline I set. I was very cordial in the letter - no blame or guilt. Explained why I wanted to do it now, would respect him for following through, but assumed I would be the one to file as I'm ready and can't keep waiting. Made sure he also knew that this is not what I want, only what I felt was necessary at this point. Also told him I wasn't expecting a reply and he should not feel obligated to give me one. I would email him terms to look over and he could reply by email.
Shortly after, he replied. It was a lengthy email in comparison to the ones he's sent in past few years. The major points were: - he feels like we're becoming friends again and ge was happy about that - he is ASHAMED of what he's put us through these past few years - kids and I remain his priority and he's going to make sure our futures are secure - he will file for D and will discuss terms with me - and finally, he's very proud of kids and says that it's because of how I've raised them. (this was especially major to me, considering he is not one to give compliments - ever)
I sent short reply back that evening saying I appreciated the reply, but even more so his willingness to share his feelings with me. I told him it takes courage to admit shame. And I said I couldn't ask for a better compliment. Kept it short, even though there was so much more I wanted to say. Now is not the time.
It feels like we're moving in to a new R w each other, even though, as he also said, it may not be together. "The start of something new" is what H said, which I found interesting. Strangely, part of why I felt strongly about sending email to push D through - to really close the book on our M as we knew it and all the hurt we've been through.
Not sure what to expect now. Don't know if he'll follow through. Feel like line of communication has at least been opened and am so proud of H for admitting his shame. Either way, it's s step in the right direction for him. His lifestyle hasn't changed, but he also said he wants to be more active in kids' lives and is trying. (He is.). Even though he said he's going to file D, I'm almost more hopeful.
