Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Had a good night out last night. Met the possible new interest for dinner. The friend I stayed with the first two months out of the house joined us. Then we met up with her friend at a downtown theater for a Thanksgiving performance for two local bands.

The PNI asked whether I "was done" with the marriage. I didn't know how to respond. I told her I keeping all doors open. If two years from now I haven't found someone and W wants to reconcile, then we'll talk about it. If I find someone great in the next six months, I'm open to that.

She asked if I'd file and I said not at least until it's been a year because my girls want us back together so badly.

I think she was feeling out my ties to the M and feelings for her . The rest of the night she and her friend talked about the dating game and told me welcome back to it. The vibe was were just going to be friends.

That's good for now. I guess if W files in January -- I'm wondering if she's just waiting to get through the holiday -- then I can regather my thoughts on whether to pursue the PNI.

Woke up today strangely angry. Perhaps its the emotional letdown of last night combined with the strangeness of today.

W called at 9 a.m. to say the girls just got up and wondered when I wanted them ready. I told her we weren't eating until 3 p.m. and I'm doing housework. I said how about 11 a.m. She said fine and I hung up. I don't know if I was supposed to say Happy Thanksgiving. She's not getting that from me this year. I will be in a good mood and look good at 11 a.m. though.

The trick I'm trying today came from my first session with the C. When down, focus on how far I've come in six months. I'm to the point where I'm doing too much GALing and not enough resting. Finances are about as stable as they are going to get and really MONEY is what is likely to force me to file for D if W doesn't. She's getting the best of both worlds now. Really, I'm doing well. I do love my W, but I don't love how she blames all the bad things in her life on the M. The M and the family was the good things in her life. So when I think about the future, I'm going to imagine Thanksgiving a year from now. I should well down the road to total recovery while she .... I don't know where she'll be. That's up to her.